I don’t usually write about what I make for lunch, but I started thinking about lunch this morning while making spätzle batter. There was a salad recipe I’d been wanting to try, and today was the day.
We have been eating our main meal at lunchtime and having smaller, lighter dinners. We go to bed earlier now since Nelly joined the family and would rather digest heavier foods like meats for the rest of the day instead of an hour before shut-eye.
I saved a recipe for a beet salad that sounded delicious. I had all the ingredients for the salad except for the arugula, which was no big deal.
I’ve said it a million times not to shit-can a recipe if you don’t want to tackle something big or not have an insignificant ingredient.
These are the kind of beets I used that I found at a discount food store, but you can use fresh or canned as well. I used them straight from the package and didn’t roast them as the recipe suggests.
I cut the beets larger than the recipe calls for, then coated them with a balsamic vinaigrette. Next, I added chopped pecans, dried cranberries, and feta cheese. I cut the pecans too small; next time, I won’t.
Here is the link to the recipe I used to make the beet salad. This is a great place to start if you aren’t a beet person or don’t know what to do with them. It’s sweet, salty, sour, tangy, creamy, crunchy, and chewy from the cranberries.
Now for the burger that I chose as the protein to go with the salad. I thought about what I had on hand to put on the burger. The best part about burger toppings is there are endless possibilities. I came up with what I called a Frenchie Burger!
We had some mushrooms that needed to be used, and some leftover Swiss cheese. I sautéed the mushrooms and added some tarragon and cognac. I know that’s fancy for lunch, but why not? Honestly, it only took an extra minute.
Marty grilled the burgers, then we spread them with Dijon mustard and melted the Swiss cheese on top. Finally, we topped it with the tarragon cognac mushrooms. OMG! Yum!
The way I made the beet salad today is a perfect side dish, or you can make it like the recipe and have a delicious salad. Not a fan of arugula? Use different greens or lettuce of your choice.
It was an easy salad since I used ready-to-eat beets; I know I would not make it if I had to roast and peel them. Some recipes are worth the time and energy to follow, and some are not.
Have a good night and for fucks sake, cover up your plants and flowers tonight if you live around here; it’s going to freeze again tonight! Hopefully, this is the final FU from Mother Nature for gardeners and retail suppliers. 😜🖕
One thing is for sure; Nelly is not a girlie girl. She isn’t a fruffy princess, kind of like me! She gets filthy dirty when we are outside working on projects. She loves to play hard with Klaus and explore.
When I saw her shirt, I died of laughter! She also needed to be thrown in the Biz bag for those of you that know what I am talking about.😂
After my nervous breakdown in April and my visit to the lower world with Hawk, I was shown all the beautiful things in my life. Right now, right here. After that, I started looking at everything that brings me joy and what does not. I started getting rid of stuff that didn’t bring me joy.
The first thing that came to mind was the joy of gardening. There are plenty of reasons why I stopped gardening; besides not having enough time, I hated kneeling and weeding constantly. The weeds seemed to grow back before I was done. I also didn’t like black flies buzzing around my head and face.
Back then, we planted a culinary garden with different sections. There was an Italian section with Roma tomatoes, Italian parsley, eggplant, and basil. The Mexican garden had other tomatoes for salsa, cilantro, and peppers. The Asian garden had scallions, Thai basil, peppers, and Japanese eggplant, to name just a few.
It was fun growing a culinary garden and planning what I would make with what we produced. When I thought about what I loved about gardening was that concept. When planning our garden in our raised beds, we kept it simple and grew an Italian kitchen garden.
After the septic system catastrophe, we ended up with a new retaining wall and slate terrace, which came out fantastic. This was the silver lining of a costly project that had to be done immediately. I didn’t freak out when we realized what needed to be done. I was looking ahead at the outcome.
Since I went on that journey with Hawk in April, I have been tested repeatedly. So much so that it makes me laugh. I can get over situations quickly, giving the worries or anxiety away and focusing on the now. I see hawks hovering over our house or while I am driving. Hawk, my power animal, is very powerful, which I am grateful for.
I’ve tried to live in the now for years; I have statues of Buddha everywhere to remind me. Now, instead of reminders, I give thanks and gratitude to Buddha when I see them. I bought a Buddha statue for our new garden that greets us when we enter the terrace garden.
Tonight, before I went out to water the garden, flowers, and herbs, I remembered my favorite part of the day was watering the garden with a cold glass of white wine or a summery cocktail like a gin and tonic with a lime.
That’s exactly what I did while dinner was in the oven and the sun was just right. I loved padding around barefoot on the slate pieces of the terrace that were still warm from the afternoon sun. I was caught up in the moment and realized this was one of my favorite joys!
Nelly graduated from her puppy classes. She mastered sit, down, off and come. We practiced at home and out of the house. When she wants to listen, she does, but when she doesn’t, she is a mischievous little puppy.
If you looked up what a mischievous little puppy is, it would be about Nelly. She is better than Hoodini breaking free of fencing or blocking areas off.
She has squeezed thru a tiny space on the side of two different gates and has gotten out. She has given Marty and me numerous mini heart attacks.
She is primarily housebroken but pees a little when she and Klaus play hardcore inside the house. She knows what no and good girl is and loves praise.
She can’t help herself; she is always making discoveries, hiding under the couch, and teasing Klaus, which he loves; they play that way for an hour.
Overall, she is the sweetest girl, so full of love. She loves to cuddle; we look forward to bed every night because she snuggles up to each of us during the night. She burrows way down under the covers and sleeps near our feet.
She emerges and will come up and sleep in between our heads. Nelly loves sleeping in, making it hard to want to get out of bed and go to work.
She can hold it for 10 hours at night, so it’s frustrating that she is “little miss pees in the house.” I know it’s a female Frenchie thing, and most do it. Being stubborn is another well-known trait of Frenchies.
When Nelly doesn’t want to do something, she squints her eyes at us. It’s not only in the sun, but anytime she doesn’t want to do something. We say, “Don’t squint your eyes at us, missy.” Lol.
We are so head over heels in love with her and watch everything she does so she doesn’t hurt herself. She pulls things off tables, benches, shelves, or whatever she can reach. She wears little bells so we can hear her where she is.
Her training will continue now that puppy classes are over. She learns quickly and is incredibly food driven. She wants to please us and be with us.
That’s the update on our little nugget of love, also known as little miss pees in the house. We should buy stock in the company that makes the miracle pet spray for accidents; it works, thank goodness!
My own veggie bean burger topped with mushroom bacon, lettuce, tomato, cheese, and In & Out Burger animal sauce.
Marty and I moved to Vermont back in 1989. We wanted to escape the rat race, traffic, too many people, and, most importantly, my mother.
New Jersey was making me psychically sick. My gastroenterologist, Dr. Wolfman, told me I’d have a colostomy bag by age thirty if I stayed in such a hostile and stressful environment.
We got this bacon from a pop-up vendor at the Troy Farmers Market. I was skeptical, but it tasted like bacon and had a great texture.
We moved to a place where transplants aren’t liked or accepted readily by Vermonters, especially in South Londonderry, where we first landed. We found that out fast. We lived there for four years, and the Vermonters still hated us.
We began to work out like maniacs for something to do. Our landlords were lovely transplants but were in a different place than we were. They had a baby while we wanted to go out to a bar or dance. Yes, there was dancing in Manchester back in the day.
Coconut-crusted tofu instead of coconut shrimp.
We quickly discovered that Vermont was a costly place to live. I made $5.05 an hour, a drastic, catastrophic pay decrease. Rent was the same price as Jersey, and so was car insurance, fuel to heat with, and food. It was crazy!
We were broke and lived hand to mouth but in a beautiful, stress-free environment that agreed with my ulcerative colitis. I was homesick; I needed to keep reminding myself why we moved to Vermont in the first place.
Beans and rice.
Since we were workout nut jobs, we decided to eat healthier and become vegetarians. Not only would this be better for Marty’s hereditary high cholesterol, but also for our grocery shopping budget.
Going vegetarian was a great idea; the problem was neither of us knew how to be suitable vegetarians. I was new at cooking and had no clue what to make or buy. I worked when the local library was open, so taking out a vegetarian book was a no-go.
We wandered the grocery store aimlessly but came home with the same foods each week. I can’t remember what we had for our lunches at work for the life of me.
We lived on oatmeal, cereal, rice, and pasta. We burned off all those carbs in a snap by working out and having incredible metabolisms.
Tofu Italian cutlets two ways. As a sandwich with roasted red peppers and fresh mozzarella cheese topped with basil aioli, and tofu parm for lunch the next day. Both were outrageously good!
We ate very little fat or protein. We ate veggie burgers, peanut butter, and egg white omelets with cheese. We ate no legumes and little to no vegetables or fruit except bananas.
I still find it amazing that so many vegetarians and vegans do the same thing as we did. It’s an oxymoron, for sure!
We were in great shape, and our bodies were terrific, but we weren’t eating as healthy as we thought and didn’t drink any water except during our workouts.
Soft scrambled eggs with chives and avocado and a French omelet with a toasted bagel.
Eventually, we made friends and started making a little bit more money. We got on a fuel plan for heat and saved up each week to go out for drinks and bar snacks with friends.
At some point, neither knew how badly each was craving meat. I would drool just thinking about it. I always thought about eating beef, pork, chicken, and shrimp.
Finally, I fessed up and told Marty, and he said, “Hallelujah!” We went to the Sirloin Saloon that night and ordered steak. It was the most delicious piece of meat we ever ate.
We were both sick after eating meat that first night. That was it for being vegetarians, and since we were both working many hours and had friends to hang out with, we stopped working out.
Eating and working out became our unhealthy obsession, and we were relieved to stop. We gained a bit of weight back, but we were happier.
For the last couple of years, I’ve been trying to introduce more meatless meals and vegetables into our diet.
Learning how to cook with cauliflower made meatless meals easy and delicious. I wrote a blog piece all about cauliflower a couple of years ago. Here is the link if you are interested in checking it out.
It’s different this time, eating vegetarian meals. We are eating vegetables and other sources of protein like beans and tofu. We love apple slices with peanut butter as a snack. I can’t wait for summer fruit to be in season!
Becoming a great cook has allowed me to be creative and explore the vegetarian world with fantastic results. I research recipes and read blog posts to educate myself.
Crostini topped with garlic-whipped ricotta and blistered tomatoes, garlic, basil, and crushed red pepper. Our favorite!
The vegetarian food I am experimenting with makes us not miss meat on those meatless nights one bit and look forward to them. Don’t let me fool you; Marty and I still indulge in our favorite meats, but only about 50% of the time.
We find it much easier to eat lighter and healthier during warmer weather. I am very good about staying hydrated during the day, which I found is better for my skin, and I am not tired.
We are eager to plant our raised vegetable garden beds in the next week since it’s still cold at night here in Vermont.
Every year, I planted everything on Mother’s Day, and I ran around like a fucking idiot covering everything due to frost. I’ve finally learned that lesson.
I look forward to trying more vegetarian dishes this summer, plus there are a hundred to make during fall and winter. As soon as I nail down these recipes and write them, I’ll share them with you.
When I woke up early on Sunday morning I saw a bouquet of flowers on my kitchen island. Then I saw Sam!
We haven’t seen Sammy since the middle of February when I was sick with pneumonia; I barely remember the visit.
After I said, “Sam!” He replied, “Happy Mother’s Day!” He planned to come down for a couple of days since he a few days off. Yay!
Klaus was over the moon and Nelly finally got to meet her other big brother, she already has spent time with Noah and his girlfriend, Aja.
Nelly, in her truest form, captured Sam’s heart. He got a kick out of what a mischievous tough little girl she is. She made him smile and laugh but most of all, she loved cuddling with him.
Then, just like that, his visit was over, I am so happy we got to spend some time together. ❤️
When you read the title, “Chocolate Cream Pie,” and see the photo, you may be thinking about a blog post l wrote less than two weeks ago.
I wrote that Marty and I had a goal to eat healthier. We want to introduce more vegetarian dishes, and salads for dinner. Like how I learned to use cauliflower to replace meat in some of our favorite dishes, I want to do the same with tofu.
Many of the recipes I am making and writing are vegetarian but can be easily adapted for vegans. If you are vegan, I am sure you already know what substitutes you can use.
It all started with a gluten-free graham cracker pie crust I bought and some silken tofu. All the recipes I looked at were vegan, so I adapted my version to fit our eating lifestyle.
Some of the recipes were lengthy, and some were simple. Some had to be baked; some were no-bake. Many recipes were for vegan cheesecake; I’ve written many times not to go out and buy special ingredients for one recipe; either adapt it or don’t make it. That’s how I roll.
I began looking at chocolate cream pie recipes using tofu. I took ideas from some recipes and made my own. Luckily, I wrote it down.
The no-bake chocolate cream pie was to die for; I’m not kidding. I am not a huge dessert eater, but I thought about this pie all week; it was that good.
I was skeptical while making the filling, but when I tasted it before pouring it into the pie crust, I knew I had a home run!
I was shocked at how delicious it was and how few ingredients I used. I topped my pie with whipped cream but coconut whipped cream can also be used.
I remade the pie again, making my gluten-free graham cracker crust. I wondered how good it would be to use gluten-free cookies of your choice, like chocolate chip or sugar cookies?Of course, you can use a ready-made crust too.
I made the pie for Cinco de Maya last Friday night. I add cinnamon to the crust for a more Mexican feel. I should have added a bit of cayenne pepper, but I didn’t. Oh well, it was still sensational!
We were having our friend chef Martin and his lady friend Alexandra over for dinner; I was eager for Martin to try it without telling him what I used. I never saw Martin eat much dessert, but the slice of pie was gone in three bites!
He kept saying how light and creamy it was. It was a textbook-perfect chocolate cream pie. I told him what the ingredients were and he was surprised and impressed. He never would have know it was made with tofu.
While I was researching for this blog post, I looked up the nutritional values of whipped cream vs coconut cream. The nutritional values are very similar. The only real difference is, one is vegan.
I also researched the nutritional values of a traditional chocolate cream pie vs the tofu version. I am not going to tell you the actual numbers, just the number differences.
Why? For the same reason why I hate going to Five Guys and seeing the calories for the fries I ordered starring me right smack in the face on the menu board.
I love french fries but gluten-free ones are hard to find. Five Guys are one of the only chain restaurants that have gluten-free fries, which is why we go when we are on the road, but seeing the calories makes me feel guilty, even if it is a treat.
Back to the pies, the difference between the two pies comes in as follows, with tofu scoring lower in all categories. Here are the most important numbers for me. The tofu pie for one slice has 95 fewer calories, 10 grams less fat, 10 grams less cholesterol, and 6 fewer total carbs.
What can make a healthier version of this pie would be to not top the whole pie with either whipped cream or coconut cream. You can just add a small dollop to each piece with a little shaved chocolate on top when serving.
I like the dollop idea and will make the pie that way the next time I make the tofu chocolate cream pie. I’ll never make a chocolate cream pie the traditional way again since this recipe is so much easier and healthier.
Ok, guys, here’s my recipe. I will include the whipped cream and coconut versions at the end of the recipe. I hope you guys try it; I already know you’ll love it. ♥️
No-bake tofu chocolate cream pie
Ingredients
For the cookie or graham cracker crust
2 cups of regular or gluten-free graham crackers or cookie crumbs 1/3 cup sugar if using graham crackers (sugar is not necessary if using cookies) 6 tbsp melted butter
For the chocolate filling
1 package of 15-16 oz package of silken tofu. 1 1/2 cups of semi-sweet or dark chocolate chips 1 tsp of pure vanilla extract A pinch of kosher salt
Directions
Crush the graham crackers or cookies in a food processor or using a rolling pin and a zip-lock-style bag. Measure 2 cups of the crumbs and add to a bowl. Add the sugar if using graham crackers, and mix with the crumbs. Leave out the sugar if you wish.
Melt the butter and add to the crumb mixture. Stir until all the crumbs are moistened. Press the crumbs into a 9-inch pie plate, going up the sides as well. Place in the refrigerator while making the filling.
Melt the chocolate chips in a double-boiler or a bowl over a simmering pot of water. Add the tofu, melted chocolate, vanilla, and salt in a blender.
Blend until the tofu and chocolate resemble chocolate pudding, ensuring all the specs of tofu are gone.
Pour into the crust and place in the refrigerator for at least 3 hours. It isn’t necessary to cover it with plastic like pudding; no skin will form.
Toppings
For the whipped cream
1 cup of cold heavy cream 2 tbsp confectioners sugar 1 tsp pure vanilla extract
Using a hand mixer or stand mixer fitted with a whisk attachment, whip the heavy cream, confectioners sugar, and vanilla on medium speed until medium-stiff peaks form. Do not over-whip, or you’ll end up with butter.
Immediately spoon the whipped cream onto the chilled and firm chocolate filling. Shave or grate any chocolate of your choice if you wish.
For the coconut cream
1 can 13.5 oz can of coconut milk 1 tbsp of confectioners sugar 1 tsp pure vanilla extract
Place the can of coconut milk into the refrigerator for 2 days. Chill the mixing bowl and beater or whisk for 30 minutes in the refrigerator.
Open the can of coconut milk and scoop out the hardened coconut cream into the chilled mixing bowl. Discard, drink, or do whatever you wish with the coconut water.
Using a hand mixer or stand mixer, whip the coconut cream on medium speed for one minute. Add the confectioners sugar, and vanilla. Whip for an additional minute until it’s smooth and creamy. Do not over-whip.
Immediately spoon the coconut cream onto the chilled and firm chocolate filling. Shave or grate any chocolate of your choice if you wish.
With each week, Nelly sees, learns, and does more things, and Klaus, Marty, and I fall deeper in love with her.
This week, Nelly’s cute sweater my friend Ann knit her was too small. Since the weather has been dreadfully cold and wet, I bought her a three-pack of pink fleece sweatshirts and a cute t-shirt.
“Mommy, take this off me, it’s too small.”
We have been doing our homework from puppy class with Klaus and it is going brilliantly. We are practicing sit, lay down, and come; I throw in shake with Klausie boy.
One of Nelly’s and my favorite times is her daily grooming or spa time. Frenchie’s love to be pampered and clean and Nelly is no exception.
When she sees me get out her grooming basket, she lays on her back and waits. She snorts the entire time which is her way of talking to us. It’s adorable.
Nelly’s big outing of the week was a trip to Home Depot and riding in the cart. If she is going to come with us everywhere, this is a training exercise as well.
She was so excited riding in the shopping cart. While we were walking around I worked with her to sit down in the cart.
She listened well but sometimes saw something new and would get up on her hind legs. I would gently pull her back with her lease and say sit. Over and over, but that’s how she learns.
Jon Katz often writes about how owners don’t follow through with obedience training and wonder why their pets don’t listen. I am training Nelly all day, every day.
I have so much more patience and time to train Nelly than I did with Otto & Klaus. I find that the things that I have learned as a belly dance teacher apply to dog training.
I say, “Nelly, pose.” and she does. 😂
Watching how much fun Nelly and Klaus have while playing together is heartwarming. I was able to spring-clean our refrigerator, freezer, and pantries without interruption. This was indeed a major accomplishment.
As long as I can hear them, things are good, it’s when they get quiet, I check on them. When this happened yesterday, I found them sleeping in front of the fireplace.
When I saw them like this, it was a total awww moment that would make me grin ear to ear. She is truly a little sweetheart. 💕
I’ve been making traditional bolognese sauce for years, but last week I tried making a vegetarian version of my own recipe.
The vegetarian version had way less fat and was healthier with more veggies. The kicker was it tasted incredibly like my meat version.
I use meatloaf mix to make my bolognese sauce, a blend of beef, pork, and veal. It’s full of fat but makes a great pot of bolognese.
I followed my recipe exactly, just subbing out the meatloaf mix with one head of cauliflower and one 10oz package of mushrooms.
The above photos show the ingredients for the veggie or the meat version.
The cooking process was exactly the same. I took photos of the steps of the veggie version and compared them to the meat version. They are almost identical.
The top photos show the vegetarian version and the meat is on the bottom.
The experiment was an amazing success. I plan to make the veggie version for Marty and me instead of the meat version. It was that good!
Veggie version on the left and meat on the right.
If the boys are having dinner with us, I’ll make the traditional one and not try to fool them. I learned my lesson pulling that trick once with Sam. He was so mad; he didn’t eat dinner that night.
Veggie Bolognese Sauce
I won’t lie to you; making a pot of bolognese sauce is a labor of love, whether you are making it with meat or veggies. It’s a dish that you have to pay attention to. I am sure it can be made in a crock pot or instant pot; however, I only make mine the traditional way.
Here is my newly updated bolognese sauce recipe adding the vegetarian option along with the traditional meat.
Bolognese Saucewithmeat and vegetarian versions
Ingredients
1 Tbsp Olive oil OR 1 Tbsp butter OR 1 Tbsp of bacon fat 1 1/2 lbs 80/20 ground beef or Meatloaf mix for the vegetarian version, 1 head of cauliflower, and a 10 oz package of mushrooms chopped finely ½ tsp kosher salt ¼ tsp pepper 1 large onion finely chopped 2 carrots finely chopped 2 celery finely chopped 3-4 cloves of garlic finely chopped 1 cup of white wine or red works too 1 cup milk (do not use skim) 28 oz can good quality (San Marzano) tomato puree, or you can use whole or crushed tomatoes just put them into a blender to make the puree 1 cup beef or vegetable broth ½ cup real grated parmesan cheese
Directions
Melt the butter or bacon fat in a large dutch oven or add olive oil over medium-high heat. Add the onions, carrots, and celery. Season with salt & pepper. Mix well and cook, stirring often, until the vegetables begin to soften, about 5-7 minutes.
Add the garlic and saute for another 2 or 3 minutes. You do not want to let the vegetables or the garlic burn. Adjust your stove temperature if necessary to prevent this from happening.
Next, add the meat or chopped cauliflower and mushrooms to the vegetables breaking up the meat while it begins to cook. Cook for about 10 minutes, stirring often until the meat, cauliflower, and mushrooms are completely cooked.
Add the wine to the pan scraping up any bits stuck to the bottom of the pan. Let the wine reduce for about 3 minutes. Add the milk and stir. Keep stirring until the meat mixture absorbs the milk, approximately 5-7 minutes.
Add the tomato puree and beef stock mixing well. Bring to a simmer, then continue to simmer on very low, partially covered, 2 hours for vegetarian and 3 hours for the meat version.
Stir often to prevent it from sticking to the bottom of the pan. Skim off any fat that rises to the top.
Check and stir often, making sure the sauce isn’t getting too thick. If this happens while the sauce is cooking, add ¼ cup water, more or less when needed to loosen the sauce. Check to make sure the stove temp isn’t too high.
Add the cheese and stir to combine. Check for seasoning and adjust to your taste. In a large bowl, toss with the pasta of your choice, making sure the pasta is lightly coated with enough bolognese sauce.
Serve with the rest of the bolognese sauce on the side and more grated parmesan cheese.
*** I did an entire blog series on my psychic and spiritual gifts last year. You can search under the “My gift” category to read those blog posts if you are interested. You don’t have to read them to understand the meaning of this post.
When I was sick for two months with pneumonia in February and March, I did reiki on myself many times a day. While I am a reiki master, the powerful healing energy works on others and not so much on myself. Nevertheless, I still perform reiki daily.
I tried to “journey” to the upper and lower worlds during that period without much luck. I was not allowed to enter those worlds and indeed not the middle world since my body was ill and my energy was next to nothing.
A couple of weeks ago, while meditating, which I do at least once daily, I was allowed to visit the lower world. I can go in three different directions when I get there.
The left is my usual fun spot with my power animals. Straight ahead is where I meet new power animals or messengers. The right leads to a series of caves, and I know who lives in one.
My power animal, Hawk, lives there. Before my journey, I could recall seeing many hawks that week in ordinary reality time. I saw a couple of them flying and images. I didn’t make the connection; I was about to be summoned to Hawk. Oh, boy.
I haven’t made a visit to see Hawk for years. It always started off unpleasant, but I was left with messages and could see a hawk’s eye view of things happening around me. Hawk basically told me to chill the fuck out and look at the whole picture.
He has been right whenever I trek down the dark cave’s passageways lit by torches. I know what to expect when I get to Hawk’s dwelling.
There is a large flat rock for me to sit on while I get my scolding. He always greets me sternly, “Sit down, Sqaw!” It’s like being sent to the principal’s office.
As I was nearing the cave this time, I saw Hawk flying beautifully high above me. He began to descend and landed in front of me. He said, “Hello, Sqaw.” I replied, “Hello, why are you nice to me?” He laughed softly.
I realized this was a different type of lesson he had for me. In a gentle voice, which I didn’t know he had, he told me to sit in the grass to get closer to his level. He said, “Sqaw, you’ve been through a lot and have prevailed every time.”
He continued by telling me that what I am going through now isn’t what it seems and that I should not go forward with fear and doubt. I replied, “Easier said than done.” Instead of getting mad at me, something happened that never occurred before.
I don’t know if I got smaller or Hawk got bigger, but he told me to hop on and enjoy the ride. As soon as we took off, I screamed, “This is amazing!” “Holy shit!” “How beautiful.” Well, you get the idea.
I was looking down at the world around me in ordinary reality time. It wasn’t ‘places or things, but things I just knew. The world below me was a happy, content, and fun place. The sun shone brightly and felt warm on my back as we hovered.
When we landed, Hawk asked me if I liked what I saw. “Oh yes, I remember saying to him.” “This beautiful world we flew over is your life. You have to change your thinking for it to become a reality,” Hawk explained.
He told me I need to pay attention to what makes me happy and content and stop trying to be something I am not. My beautiful life is all around me. I have to figure out the kind of things that make me happy.
With that, I returned to our bedroom, laying on our bed with tears running down my face. As I write, I cry because I become so emotional when thinking about that visit with Hawk. I said aloud, “Thank you, Hawk; I love you!” Tissue time for me.
Over the next few days, I started putting together pieces of things that happened recently. Some things were my visit with the pulmonologist, living a healthier lifestyle by removing chemicals and adopting Nelly.
The biggest realization was Paris Syndrome, and I wasn’t the world traveler I wanted to be; it was freeing! I released myself from wanting to go places like other people, which made me feel uncomfortable. Being able to admit it finally helped me move forward. This was a big fucking deal, folks.
Since that realization, I have felt differently. I don’t need to visit faraway places but enjoy doing things that make me happy here. I began to list things I liked or liked doing in the past.
The first thing that popped up was growing a culinary garden with herbs, different varieties of lettuce, and flowers. I remembered why I stopped gardening; I hated being on my hands and knees with bugs flying around my head and getting bit by God knows what ending up itchy.
I told Marty about the journey and how I wanted to find a new way to grow my culinary garden again. As always, Marty to the rescue! He saw many beautiful raised growing beds that could be put on our back terrace that gets all day sun.
I could envision my culinary garden and flowers in my head. Marty and I picked out two raised garden beds which arrived in a few days.
Then came the surprise septic situation, leaving us with a brand-spanking new, beautiful back terrace. Perfect for the two raised beds we got a week before.
I can see wave petunias growing down the new retaining wall and how nice the new pavers will feel warm under my bare feet. The garden will be easy to water since the hose is right there. Bugs should be minimal, if any. Weeding will be a snap.
Another item that makes me happy is cooking. Especially in the warmer months, we both want to incorporate more vegetarian meals and different salads in our diets since we will be growing our own lettuce! A few days ago, I made a vegetarian dish that turned out delicious.
I feel content and happy. I’ve been in an excellent mood for over a week. I wasn’t upset about the septic situation as I usually would have been before I visited Hawk. I could belly dance again and had little to no shortness of breath.
Nelly has been the bright spot in our lives, including Klaus. She is a breath of fresh air, constantly making us smile and laugh. She is the little sweetheart Marty, and I needed. She has made us closer as a family and is such a snuggle bug when she sleeps with us at night.
I am not focusing on what will happen in the future like I was obsessing over, but enjoying all the beautiful things my life offers. I have tried to live in the moment for years, but now I can finally do it without trying.
