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Above is a photo of me with my long thick hair. People who I knew well and not so well would ask me if it was real and could they touch it.

It was women who asked to touch my hair and would tell me how amazing my hair was. Then, it happened.

Last year, after a horrific year of sickness and breathing issues, it wasn’t until the end of July that the lung disease I was diagnosed with was not pulmonary fibrosis which would kill me in less than 3-5 years.

I had a nervous breakdown in March when I was first diagnosed with lung disease.

While I was waiting three months to see a specialist at Dartmouth Hitchcock I was frightened and very stressed out.

The stress and thoughts running through my head made me become weak and fragile. The smoke from the Canadian wildfires didn’t help.

I didn’t want my family to watch me suffocate to death. I thought about getting it over with and sparing them a slow death.

Finally after seeing the Dartmouth pulmonologist and finding out this type of lung disease wasn’t deadly, I relaxed.

Then my hair started falling out at the end of August.

In the months following until January of this year, my hair came out at an astonishing rate.

Every day when I brushed my hair I would have brush fulls of hair come out.

After I washed my hair combs full of hair came out then more when I dried it.

I could pull literally handfuls of hair out of my head. It was very scary. I cried a lot as I put handfuls of hair in the bathroom garbage.

I felt like I was Samson losing all my power as I was trying to adjust to my new health issues.

I was afraid of losing all my hair out of vanity I guess. My hair was my thing. My one last good thing.

As we age skin loosens and things sag. Every day is like opening a fortune cookie; today you will get age spots on your face. Oh look, varicose veins.

If you are older than 45 you know what I am talking about. Different pains, more grunts and groans. Losing the figure you once had.

No one really prepares you for old age, not that I consider myself old. I am older. lol.

Nothing prepared me for my hair falling out of my fucking head. Luckily, it fell out all over my head and not in clumps like alopecia.

I began looking at wigs and hair extensions. As soon as I googled wigs, all of my newsfeeds were full of women’s hair loss.

Some women’s hair falls out like patterned baldness on top of their heads. I watched many reels of children, teens, men, and women with alopecia getting their first real hair wigs.

Wigs have come a long way since my Nana and Aunt Claire wore them.They look so real and they don’t come off.

I watched a young wig specialist who has alopecia herself dive into a pool and her wig which was made of human hair stayed put and looked like real wet hair.

This changes the lives of people with alopecia. There are also easy-to-apply eyebrows for children and men to apply. Women can draw them on.

The eyebrows look so real. When young teens see themselves with real hair and eyebrows they wept tears of joy. Boys and girls alike.

My hair loss slowed down by the end of January then over the next couple of months went back to a regular amount of hairs we all lose every day about 100 they say.

I did try a synthetic hair extensions that looked good but was such a pain in the ass to put on and it was very uncomfortable.

I knew I would never be able to wear anything on my head in the warm weather since I sweat like a pig from my head.

That’s when I decided to cut my now stringy long hair that was holding on for dear life.

With a little help from Marty I gave myself a blunt cut just past my shoulders. I plan to keep this length while all the hairs are growing back in.

Some hair is already two inches long. I can feel in top of my head how thick it’s growing back. Thank goodness.

Stress is a killer. I knew I was stress out having panic and anxiety attacks constantly last year, but I didn’t know I was stressed that bad.

It’s taken me a while to get up the courage to write about my hair loss. My hair still looks ok just thin.

The photo that I took tonight is very hard for me to post. I am exhausted after today’s production and look horrible.

I can tell from my expression that I am uneasy with a forced smile and my body language is stiff.

I can also tell that when I feel like I look good I tilt my head which isn’t the case in tonight’s photo.

So that is my hair loss story. A hard tale to tell but I did it.

I am finally realizing my power was not in my hair but was in me all along.

Gulp, I’m hitting publish now. 😕

Planting flowers, herbs, and veggie gardens have been a tradition since my first Mother’s Day.

I’ve learned the hard way after 28 years to not go full steam ahead. My veggie plants, herbs, and root vegetable seeds will wait until after our last frost date 5/24.

I did start some English peas, sugar snap peas, arugula, spinach, and lettuce a couple of weeks ago.

Yesterday morning, Noah and Aja stopped by bright and early. They bought me the most beautiful and perfect hanging basket.

The flowers are different shades of purple with deep purple almost black vines.

Aja picked out the most beautiful piece of butterfly art for my garden. It flaps its wings in the breeze. I love it so much.

I made three hanging baskets with 3 small varieties of flowers. I saw a few I loved over the winter when I was studying gardening.

This year, I planted English cottage flowers that should spill out of the baskets with a soft appearance.

So far, I love how they look. If we do get a frost I can bring them inside easily.

Later in the day, I got a call from Sam wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day.

I am still in awe that my body made such incredible sons. It was the most extraordinary thing I’ve ever accomplished, twice!

Mother’s Day is joyful for some people and an emotional day for others. It’s been both for me for many years.

This was the first Mother’s Day I thought of my mother Eileen fondly and wished her a Happy Mother’s Day in heaven.

It feels amazing to not carry around all that pain and anger anymore.

I haven’t written much this week because I’ve been working on a big outdoor project that is close to completion.

I can’t wait to share it with you! 🤗

My sister Jen and my niece Sofia came for a quick visit a couple of weeks ago.

Jen bought me a beautiful blue nikko hydrangea scrub/plant.

The color was stunning I never saw any flower that blue before besides in photos of Cape Cod.

The same week my three tulips bloomed, yes I only have three but will be planting many more this fall.

I usually drive by them going in and out of the driveway. I can’t see them from the house or the porch.

This year, I used my brain and thought, “Hey, dumbass, why don’t you cut the tulips and enjoy them inside.”

They were so pretty and colorful. I loved watching them open during the day and close at night.

Shhhhh, I don’t know they did that. Some kind of gardener I am, but I’ve learned a lot over the winter.

Yesterday, I bit the bullet and planted the blue hydrangea in our front yard garden bed.

I followed exactly how they did it on YouTube videos. The flowers were spent so I clipped them off in the right spot.

They say if you do this you will have continuous blooms until the fall. I hope so, how cool would that be?

After I got done giving the hydrangea a hair cut, I fertilized the ground before I put the hydrangea in the hole I dug.

I watered it and said a pray it survives. This is not something I would have bought myself. So fingers crossed. 🙏🏼🤞🏼

I still have a lot of work to do out the front garden beds before I start snapping photos.

I can’t wait to show you what else I’ll be planting. I’m going to a plant sale on Saturday and hoping to pick up a few more perennials.

That’s it from here, have a great night guys!

I know I post a shitload of Nelly photos with her looking so peaceful and usually sleeping.

That’s the cuddly side of her. Then there is the funny and playful side. She is hysterical to watch.

Nelly is great at keeping herself busy with her toys if I am busy in the house.

My role is Nelly’s nurturer, her spa attendant, her private chef, and most of all her mommy. I love these rolls.

I didn’t not chose to be her playmate.

When Klaus was alive he was Nelly’s playmate. That was the best year of his life.

After Klausie died Marty filled that role and Nelly is as relentless with him as she was with Klaus.

She pulls all her tricks to get him to play with her like she did with Klaus.

She barks at him, snaps at his limps like piranha girl, tries to rile him up until he can’t say no.

See why I didn’t chose that role? 😂

After 15 minutes of playing her favorite game of fetch the ball, Klaus taught her well, she is exhausted.

Once exhausted, she will snuggle with Marty for hours with piranha girl no where in sight. Just daddy’s little sweetheart.

Marty is at the farmers market today so Nelly is content to snuggle next to me any chance she gets, listens for the sounds of me cutting up fruits or vegetables, and follows me from room to room.

Before we got Nelly, we spoke to our breeder in depth specifying exactly the kind of dog we needed at this point in our lives.

We wanted a little cuddle bug with a playful side and boy, did he deliver. ☺️

I drew this last Sunday. I look for things that I want to learn to draw. I liked this style and how whimsical it was.

I always show my practice pieces to my friend and dance student Maria Wulf.

She liked my version of the drawing better than the original, “It has more movement and feeling.”

I added a bumblebee, a ladybug, and a couple more flies. They needed to be there.

I knew that as I was recreating the original it felt too angular and straight to me.

You can see Maria’s style of artwork on her website at http://fullmoonfiberart

I wonder what I’ll draw next? Like my blog posts I have no idea.

Now that I planted my first garden bed, I’ve been craving delicious, crisp, tender veggies and salads.

I know it’s still a little early to get carried away, but I had a lot of leftovers, so I turned those into three incredible meals.

I had a bunch of asparagus that didn’t make last Saturday night’s plates when Jen and Sofia visited.

I cut all the asparagus the same length and used whatever I chopped off the bottoms that were still edible.

I steamed the bottom bits and sautéed them in butter, salt, and pepper. Next, I made soft and creamy French-style scrambled eggs in a separate pan.

I added the asparagus to the eggs and some grated Swiss cheese, and you know what? It was my best bite of food in 2024 so far.

I could beat my husband and son for calling asparagus AS-PAR-A-GUS.

It’s forever in my brain saying it and typing it in my head. I’ve slipped on many occasions to people I don’t know. Try saying it that way.

The second meal was a Thai beef salad. I forgot to take photos, which is too bad because my plating looked better than the recipes I followed.

It was so refreshing and flavorful. It was so Thai. Here’s a link to that recipe.

https://www.jocooks.com/recipes/easy-thai-steak-salad/

Finally, I had some scallops that I took home from Martin’s dinner party.

He made 5 pounds of them, and there was no way I would leave all the leftovers behind.

He seared them and finished them with a pan sauce. They were so delicious, even better than the filet mignon, in my opinion.

The next day, I blanched some green beans and made a lemon vinaigrette. I tossed in the cold scallops, and holy shit! It’s another refreshingly fantastic salad.

I love sharing new food ideas with you guys, which may spark an idea or two for you, too.

The never-ending game of what to make for lunch and dinner is a daunting one; every little bit helps.

Happy Friday!

As we all know, I cook and bake a lot and when I say a lot I’m not kidding.

We live in a food desert here in Arlington, VT so it’s necessary if we want to eat things we love and miss.

I love plating my food not just for photos, but for most meals. I can’t help it. How food looks is just as important to me as the taste.

I have a facebook friend who asked another friend if I was really cooking “all that food” or was I getting it somewhere and plating it up. 😂

My friend told her I was indeed cooking it all myself and there is nothing around us where I could even buy food like I make. I’ll take it as a nice compliment.

This week I was craving a roast beef club sandwich, diner or deli style with fries and a pickle.

Friedman’s deli in NYC is probably the only place I could find a proper club sandwich on gluten-free toast.

Everything in all the Friedman’s locations can be made gluten-free except for the matzoh ball soup and one other thing I can’t remember for the life of me.

I did a lot of prep work and baking this morning. My sister Jen and her daughter Sofia are coming for a quick visit this weekend.

After I finished my kitchen to-do list, I made some fries and our club sandwiches.

Early this morning, I watched a couple of YouTube videos on the proper layering of club sandwiches so I could get it just right.

Long story short, I was thrilled with how good they came out. I took a couple of photos before we ate like I always do.

I called Marty for lunch and asked him to eat somewhere else since the kitchen was a fucking wreck. He happily ate in front of the TV.

I made a spot for myself at the kitchen workbench. I took a couple more photos and why Marty couldn’t eat with me.

I laughed and took another photo of the picks in our sandwiches holding them together especially when cutting them in half.

I didn’t have the frilly ones that I love getting in diners and delis. I had to use bamboo skewers that worked exactly the same way but didn’t look as cute.

This gave me the idea to show how my food photos look during a food shot I would post.

I edit my photos by taking out the ugly stuff and making some of them cookbook-worthy.

I don’t have the time to turn my food pics into a full-on photo shoot like professional food bloggers do.

That’s why this isn’t a food blog website, I don’t have the time or money to make that happen.

I’m glad it’s not a food-only blog since I never know what I am going to write until I sit down and start typing. Lol.

I like that each blog post comes from right field and no one knows what to expect, that includes me.

Happy Friday friends! Enjoy your weekend. Cheers.💜

I was craving a hot steaming bowl of pho for lunch today. Pho is pronounced FA.

I triple checked myself on this one. Now you can see why I chose the title as it rhymes like faux pas, faux pho.

I say faux because I didn’t have the time or ingredients on hand. I looked up what pho soup base had in it and improvised.

I didn’t have veggies or proteins to make a proper pho but my taste buds didn’t care.

Was it as good as the one I had at a Vietnamese place? No, but it worked as a great sub on yet another cold and rainy day here in Vermont.

I decided to draw my lunch for fun and it’s good practice for me. All while Nelly was snuggled up tightly against me.

I’ve been meaning to write about my Entyvio infusion days at the hospital.

Entyvio is the new medication I started in November to treat my ulcerative colitis.

I was nervous in the beginning but have found I actually look forward to infusion day every other month.

The drug is working brilliantly keeping my UC in check. I haven’t experienced any side effects which is awesome.

I arrive at the infusion center and am always welcomed by the super friendly and nice infusion nurses.

After they take down my height and weight I am led into an infusion room.

I have one of the last appointments of the day at 2 pm meaning I have the room all to myself. This is wonderful.

It takes about 30 minutes for the nurse to call for my medication, draw bloodwork for my gastrointestinal, and start an IV.

While we are waiting for the medicine and I am getting settled I have my jacket and handbag hung up with my phone in my bag.

When the Entyvio arrives the nurse hooks it up to the IV and presses start. The timer will go off in 30 minutes when it’s done.

This is the part I love. I am “stuck” in a recliner chair with a cold water bottle, a pillow under my arm, and wrapped in a warm blanket. A warm blanket is the best!

I close my eyes and listen to the noise the IV machine makes. I focus on the sound and block out everything else. I doze a little and am totally relaxed.

While this is a necessary part of the maintenance of my UC it is also therapeutic for my well being.

During the infusion, it’s the only time I “have” to sit still. I take full advantage of this time not wasting a second of it.

I don’t scroll through my newsfeeds on social media and I have my phone on Do Not Disturb.

It’s wonderful being completely unplugged. This is self-care 101 which is as necessary as the drug being pumped through my vein.

The nurses in the infusion department told me many of their infusion patients look forward to their infusion days like me.

After the nurse removes the IV I take my time getting myself together and walk slowly back to my truck in a great state of mind. ☺️