Posted on by Julz

This is us…

Klaus and Otto share the couch in our back room. The two of them never sat or laid down together until recently.

***This is the perfect title for this blog post. Please click on the link to read my friend Jon Katz’s Bedlam Farm Journal blog post before reading ahead. I am the friend in the post.

Jon’s blog post says everything I can’t right now. Jon is a dog expert, all you have to do is go to your local library, and you’ll find dozens of books he has written. 

Jon is a famous writer, journalist, photographer, and former CBS morning news producer. Hell, HBO even made a movie about him with Jeff Bridges playing Jon.

His blog is a joy to read and to follow what’s happening on Bedlam Farm. You will love his wife, farm animals, and dogs. I’ve been reading his blog everyday for 5 years and look forward to his posts.

Today, I am super sad. I’ve been alone and have felt down all day. Marty and Sam are still up in the Burlington area. I’ve had time to digest what’s making me sad; Sam and Otto will leave for good shortly.

I felt sad when both of my sons moved out of Arlington for school and work. Luckily for me, Noah moved back from Connecticut, and his place is only a mile from here, and he often visits, usually to have dinner with us. Nothing makes me happier than cooking for people I love.

The thing is, I’ve never had an animal die before. After nine years of caring, nurturing, and always having him by my side, I am heartbroken. We’ve decided to cancel the vet visit we had scheduled for him.

Otto is traumatized by thunderstorms, fireworks, and wind. He freaks out when the power goes out and going to the vet. We have to give him drugs for most of these things since he is scared to death.

We respect that he is frightened of things and try to comfort him during storms and fireworks, but going to the vet is tough on him; that’s why we decided not to put him through that and a bunch of testing.

Whenever I look down, my boy is right there.

We are helping and caring for Otto since he can no longer hop on the bed or couch. We’ve made him comfy beds upstairs and downstairs. The stairs are getting harder, but he can still go up and down. He is still eating, drinking, and having no problem going outside to go potty.

Our boys never used the dog beds we got for them, until now. We put them together and covered it in his favorite blanket. Klaus likes it too. He’s been nicer to Otto in the last couple of weeks and not a dick.

I went back to making his food like when he was a puppy. He has lost a lot of weight and muscle. It happened quickly; I wasn’t ready for it since he seemed and looked healthy all summer. His coat was so shiny.

I know I’ll get to see Sam after he leaves since it’s only about 2 1/2 hours to Burlington. I won’t get to see my boy Otto again when he goes; this is terrible timing, with both things happening simultaneously. Death doesn’t give a shit about poor timing. 

Thinking about the timing of death, is there ever a good time for a pet or someone you love to die? This is much harder than I thought it would be. I am a strong person and have been through a lot with human beings and will make it through this too.

Thanks for reading. Writing about what’s going on, both good and bad, helps me put things into perspective. My biggest fear is being the person who finds him dead and no one else is home.

Talking about it with my friend Maria the other night helped. She said I could call her if something like that happens and I am alone, she would be right over. I find comfort in that.

Goodnight everyone. I’ll keep you posted.

4 Replies to “This is us…”

  1. I’ve read both Jon’s post and yours. I know how your heart is breaking. I had to put my dog down when she was so anxious she could no longer have me out of her sight. If I left the house she would pee all over the floor. She had that pleading look in her eyes all the time. I knew it was time. Bless you on your journey.

  2. Am damn glad Maria offered to be with you. When I first read Jon’s blog, I did not know it was your dog. My thoughts are with you.

  3. One if the finest gifts I gave to my beloved Cairn Terrier Pip when it was her time to pass was to bring into our home a visiting euthanasia Vet. Peaceful, serene, and gentle. It was a tough time as I held our girl to the end but wouldn’t change a thing. We have a great regular Vet but this option was so superior to that final tearful car ride with a frail and failing beloved dog. I’m so sorry about dear Otto and know whatever you decide will be the right thing.

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