Category: Uncategorized

Before I even actually started this blog I already knew a few things that I wanted and things I didn’t.  I didn’t know how to do any of them, or even where to begin.

I look at a lot of food blogs daily and their recipes.  Enough of them to notice things that I like and things that I absolutely hate. 

I like when someone tells a story then provides a recipe they have experimented with, tweaked and felt it was ready to share with the world. The blog post is easy to read with nice photos to break up the writing. Their recipe is provided at the bottom. The recipe is correct. The recipe is their own. 

What don’t I like? Well, let’s start with ads!  I hate having ads pop up while I am trying to read. I hate when the blogger’s own videos start popping up. It interrupts my reading and I have to stop to and X out of the ads and videos so I can continue reading. The third one that pops up and I am out of there. I don’t give a damn who’s blog it is or how good their recipe may have been. So annoying! 

Here’s the thing that I think is unethical, copy and pasting a recipe from someone else and calling it your own. These are professional bloggers!  That my friends is stealing and a bunch of bullshit.  If you are going to steal the recipe at least change the wording for Pete’s sake. So not only are you a scumbag, but a lazy scumbag. 

How do I know they are stealing? Like I said I read a lot of recipes. I will always go to a reputable source like Bon Appetite, Williams Sonoma, Tasty, New York Times recipes or King Arthur Flour, etc. to see what their recipes are like.  My short rib recipe I’ve been using for years I found at the Food & Wine magazine’s website. 

Then I start looking at the big food bloggers, all of their recipes are similar but still are written in the bloggers own cooking style, using their favorite ingredients and culinary language. The smaller food bloggers or the wanna-be’s you know the lazy scumbags, just blatantly copy and paste. This makes me so angry I shout at my phone when I see it. 🤬

The first thing we did when we set up my blog is to pay for my domain name, along with a hosting site and no ads for a year. A year? Gulp!  This was a big commitment. I was afraid to spend this much money for a whole year and I didn’t even know if my blog would be good or if anyone would read it.  As I wrote more posts I decided I wanted to use Grammarly, another 1 year expensive, but totally worth every penny.

All of my recipes that I will ever post will be my own recipes. If I ever share a recipe that isn’t mine, I will just give the link and let the owner of the recipe get credit. I feel very passionate about this.  Ha, it gets my “Jersey” up. I grew up in NJ, “You can take the girl out of Jersey, but not the Jersey out of the girl.” 

My recipes are a true labor of love. I really want people to be able to try what took me sometimes years to perfect. Even just typing it up correctly takes a great deal of time. I’m not talking about the actual typing, but the proper and correct ingredients, measurements, and instructions. 

Support can be beautiful, yes that was a bra commercial from my childhood but also brings me to the next part. My ad-free blog and my recipes are all free to everyone. You can share my recipes or blog posts. The more people who read it the merrier!  You can subscribe and receive it by email or you can read it on my Julzie Style Facebook page. I really appreciate how many people have subscribed or liked my Julzie page. It’s so exciting! 

We have added a support my blog option on my page. I am not doing this blog to make money, I am doing it because I have a lot to say, teach and share. I don’t expect people to support my blog, it is my blog and I assume the financial responsibility.  It is not my style to ask for things, I am a giver, not a taker. The support pays me for my time spent creating food, research, writing recipes, and my stories. 

People tell me all the time I would buy a cookbook if you had one.  I’d sign up for cooking lessons, I would pay you to cook for me.  If you are enjoying my blog, learning something new, or using my recipes, if you want to or able to make a small donation there is a safe PayPal place where you can.  You will see a support my blog section on the sidebar.  I understand that everyone can’t, especially during this pandemic.  Most importantly please don’t feel like it’s necessary just to read my blog.

I hated the thought of asking people to support my blog, but then I remembered when we danced at free gigs we always put out a tip basket.  We really appreciated it when people who watched or videotaped our performance put a buck or two into the tip basket.  Musicians put out a guitar case or tip jar.   Support can be beautiful especially when you know your subscribers are enjoying what you are doing.

I mentioned that I belly danced.  I know people imagine a sheer outfit with sequins and lots of veils dancing the way people think belly dancers dance.  They also think we should look like belly dancers should look like.  Wrong! 

I started belly dancing in April 2003.  The style that we dance is called American Tribal Bellydance or ATS®️.  Our style is group improvisation meaning we don’t choreograph.  It’s a very strong and empowering dance form. Anyone, no matter what your age, size, gender or ability can learn and dance our style. 

We learn dance steps and cues then basically follow the leader. We can dance the same song over and over and it will never be the same.  It’s organic and fun.  Full of surprises since you literally don’t know what’s going to happen next.  I’ve been teaching classes for 17 years and love it.

A lot of women have come and gone over the last 17 years.  Some of our students have been with us for as long as 14 years, others for 3 + years.  These are the dedicated ones, the ones that were hooked after their first class like I was.  

Our troupe Bennington Beledi Tribal Bellydance is special because our troupe is a sisterhood of dancers.  Dance sisters who have to trust each other since we are dancing improv.  Dance sisters to lift each other up.  Sisters that chose dance moves when they are in the lead spot that make everyone look good.  We Support each other outside of dance as well.  We are very lucky to have this sisterhood. 

We are a multi level troupe which means everyone is at a different stage and ability and it’s your job to remember who you are dancing with.  Everyone progresses at a different rate, so there’s a lot to keep in mind when you you are dancing.  How much do they know, what are they good at and what moves should you not do.  It’s a responsibility and no one leads until they are ready. Our dance form is difficult to learn and even harder to learn to lead with the right cues.  No egos are allowed in our dance studio.  People who have had them didn’t last long. 

Sounds like something fun to be a part of right??  What’s really special is that I have been dancing with my dance partner Kathleen for almost 18 years in August.  Our dance style is practiced world wide, so the amazing thing is we can dance with anyone in the world without rehearsing. 

Kathleen moved to Vermont from California and was pretty surprised to see that a little town like Bennington, VT had ATS®️ Dance.  She had been dancing and performing ATS ®️ for 8 years.  She studied with Fat Chance Belly Dance, where our style of dance originated and was created by a woman named Carolena Nericcio.  Kathleen attended a performance of ours and was able to start dancing with us the following week. 

Kathleen and I are part of the professional dance troupe called The Sahidi Sisters. At one time there were 7 of us. We had tons of gigs and loads of fun. We are the last two Sahidi Sisters standing. We’ve been dancing and performing together as a duet for the last 3 years. 

I get to dance with Kathleen on Monday mornings.  During covid we are keeping up our advanced skills and timing, but mostly we just want to dance our asses off. 

We teach classes on a weekly basis, but covid has changed that.  Our students still do get a chance to dance together via zoom.  I am not a zoom girl, but enjoy having FaceTime dance sessions with some of my students. 

Below is a video of the Sahidi Sisters from 2011. I wanted to share this performance so you can see the magic of 6 women dancing completely improvisational. This is one of my favorite performances.

I can’t even count the amount of gigs we have done over the years, places we have been, hours we’ve danced together, laughed and cried.  We have memories galore, stories to tell and have been through a lot together. 

As dance sisters we can read each other’s minds not only when we dance but when we teach as well. We teach classes together, each of us using our unique strengths to cover different dance moves. 

As people we are complete opposites. Our personalities are extreme opposites.  We both have very big personalities and are big hams when we are performing.  Our past performances are all on our YouTube channel, it’s great that we have them to look back on.  I like to see how much we have improved technique wise.

I can’t wait until Kathleen and I can hold our regular classes again. Without masks or standing 6 feet apart. We want to dance with our students and start rehearsing for things.  I miss all of my dance sisters and never imagined we ever go this long without dancing together.  Belly dance has been such a huge part of my life, I just want this stupid virus to go away already. 

I wrote about banana etiquette a week or so ago.  I haven’t thought about it since I wrote it and I am still peeling my bananas from the top. 

Today at the bank out of the blue, the girls at the bank told me that two out of three of them peel their bananas from the bottom and they like that it has a handle. The third girl peels hers from the top like me. 

I asked Kelly if she was a left handed thinker and if Amanda was too. She said “I don’t really know”.  I quickly asked her if she was more analytical, was good at math and science and not artistic. She laughed and said yes, then added Amanda was too. So my theory about left handed thinkers being bottom peelers was proving to be correct. 

Here is what sealed the deal…when I asked if Katie the top peeler was artistic Kelly laughed again and said she was. I let out a big squeal of laughter and said I knew it! I asked if it was ok if I wrote about them and they said yes.

So there you have it folks…left handed thinkers and right handed thinkers peel their bananas differently. One likes a handle and the other didn’t give a rats ass about having a handle or not. 

I did some reading up on bottom peelers and apparently this is how moneys eat their bananas. 🙈🙉🙊 LOL

When we started our business The Vermont Spatzle Company, we worked 7 days a week. We worked a lot, but wanted to grow and establish our business. It was hard work, but we had fun and met hundreds of people. We called it sharing the Spatzle love.

We made product on weekdays and did farmer’s markets on Saturdays and Sundays. Most of markets were at least an hour away so that was 2 hours of traveling per market every weekend. Marty did a 500 mile wholesale delivery route for the first 2 years, every other week. We were crazy at one point and were doing 5 markets a week, along with growing our wholesale business.

I love making our product and I like doing markets. The problem was that on Sundays I was tired. We did the Schenectady market which required getting up at before 5 am. Pack up all of our coolers and supplies for the Spatzle booth. Schenectady is about 1 hour and 20 minutes from our place. The market ran from 10-2. By the time we packed up, drove home and unloaded it was almost 4:30 pm. We were exhausted every Sunday night.

The Sunday market was a lot of fun and we had fantastic customers. After 2 years I started getting burned out. I started feeling resentful that everyone I waited on either came from church or breakfast out. They were heading to brunch or a show at Proctors Theatre where the market was held. Some people were going home to watch football or to just watch “Netflix & chill”.😜

I realized how much I missed my Sundays. I started hating the market. I wanted to stay home and sip coffee on my front porch, make a big breakfast, make an elaborate Sunday dinner or just sit on the couch in my pj’s. These were’t things that a new business owner got to do. I needed to work and not complain about it.

We decided to take a Sunday off in the late fall. We sipped coffee, ate breakfast, ate dinner, sat on the couch and really enjoyed ourselves. Later in the week, Marty made a suggestion that we discussed at length. “We aren’t getting any younger” he started off saying. I saw how much you enjoyed your Sunday doing all your favorite things. I agreed to both and admitted that I hated working on Sundays, 7 days a week. He felt the same way and did a cost and profit analysis. What was it worth working 7 days a week? How much did it cost and how much did we make?

At the end of our conversation we decided that unless we wanted to burn ourselves out and miss spending time with our family, we needed to take our Sundays back. I was overjoyed at first, then I started to worry about disappointing our customers and what the people at the market thought of us. Were we just being lazy? I had butterflies in my stomach when Marty drafted the letter to the board of the farmers market, telling them we wouldn’t be returning. They understood completely, but were sad and would miss us. I was relieved and would miss everyone for sure.

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Sundays are my favorite day again! We aren’t burned out, we are ready to get back into production and start a new week. I love my Sundays and I don’t feel bad or guilty about it anymore. A Sunday kind of love.🥰

A funny thing happened during this whole covid pandemic; I learned to be on the journey and not the destination. Back in March, when everything was shut down, I was in shock like the rest of the world. I’m sure almost everyone can relate to some of the intense emotions I went through. Fear, anxiety, sadness, disbelief, anger, you know what I mean.

One afternoon my younger son Sam, who was sent home from college, watched me freaking out. Then he pointed out the most profound thing. “Your problem is you are always looking towards the destination, and never enjoy the journey.”

I started thinking about what he said and he was right! Whenever we drove somewhere on a trip, I would be looking at the clock and doing the math trying to figure out what time we would arrive. Then when GPS came along, I wanted to prove it wrong and get there faster. I never looked at the scenery, or enjoyed a pit stop lunch.

Whenever I started something new, I would be so impatient. I wanted to be good at whatever it was it right away. I observed my dance students on their journey of learning to belly dance. It was such a beautiful thing to watch. How they learned and improved, slowly over time. I didn’t do anything slowly. I didn’t savor anything. This needed to change.

I decided that if I am going to be quarantined and be home all the time, I was going to learn to make it a journey. It was tough the first couple of months trying to not keep thinking about the destination we all wanted. This covid nightmare to just disappear.

After a lot of work I realized “Hey look at me! I am on a journey!” We painted all the dark rooms in our home because “someday” I wanted a house that was light, bright and airy. A few gallons of paint took care of that. We built an outdoor kitchen because if I was going to be cooking so much, it would be nicer to cook outside. We enjoyed our summer for the first time in years.

Once it started getting colder out, I was restless indoors. At that point I became extremely angry and frustrated. I was really missing my dance classes. I needed to blow off some steam. I went up to our gym and started working out again. I haven’t been in the gym for almost 7 years. I guess it was the right time to get back into shape. Another step along the journey.

Then a couple weeks ago my friend Heather suggested starting a blog. I’ve thought about it for years, but never wanted to do it. My Facebook page was good enough. Then I thought “wake up stupid” this is the right time since I am still home all the time and bored to death. By the end of the day, I was fully committed. I didn’t expect to have it come together so quickly. It happened naturally with a lot of help from Marty. Now instead of watching one dumb tv show after another, I write.

I chose my new tag line “A journey of cooking and living my way” because that’s what this blog means to me. This is where I am right here and right now. Thanks so much for coming along for the ride!

I just changed the tag line of my blog. I realized after speaking with my writing mentor Jon Katz, I needed to let my readers who don’t know me personally, figure out what my blog is all about. Jon said that the name “Julzie Style” suggests fashion. I can totally see that now.

Jon Katz is a an accomplished author, writer, teacher, reporter & photographer. Jon has written for some of the biggest publications…ever! Wikipedia can tell you all about him.

Since 2007 Jon has been busy with his own extremely successful blog titled “Bedlam Farm Journal”. If I knew how to do a URL link I would to his blog, but I am not there yet. Jon has been such a tremendous help, I appreciate the time he is taking to shape me into being a better writer. He is direct and so am I so we get along great!

Julzie Style refers to how I live my life. I do things my way; if it’s cooking, the way I dress or wear my hair. I also have my own style when I bellydance or when it comes to costuming. I listen to music that definitely would not be for everyone. Julzie style is how I talk or teach dance & cooking. Basically how I live my life as Julz.

I only found my “Julzie Style” about 12 years ago. People who know me personally know that my actual adopted name is Kathleen or Kathy. Truth be told I never felt like a Kathy. It always sounded funny to me. I didn’t like how it sounded when people sang happy birthday to me when I was a kid. I had a lot of nicknames from my friends and from Marty which was fine with me.

Let me tell you about Kathy. Kathy was a girl that felt like she had to be perfect all the time. That is why I am one of the biggest perfectionists around. I am very very hard on myself. I grew up thinking I had a debt to repay, to show my appreciation, maybe by being perfect would do it. Kathy did whatever she needed to do to try to please her parents especially her mother.

I was never able to forget I was adopted because until this day, I am still introduced as my parents adopted daughter Kathy. The day I was lucky enough to be adopted and join my parents lives has always been referred to as the day they “got me”. Even as a kid I remember thinking “got me”? It was like being other things to get like a new pocketbook or coat. I still hate it, but I have never said anything. Unless you are an adopted person you won’t get it.

Finally, I realized that nothing I ever did or will do in the future would be enough to repay the debt. I needed to stop being that needy little “adopted “girl who just wanted to be like a “real” daughter with no guilt or something to prove. It took the last straw on the camel’s back to make me want to be who I wanted to be. I wanted to shed the old Kathy and leave behind all the old baggage. I was not a Kathy, I was something more special than that. I was this sparkling, confident , outgoing woman. I can light up a room if I want to. I was a performer who performed regularly. I needed a name that filled all those things. It took me two years to find a name that I finally resonated with…Julz.

Marty and my sons, my belly dance sisters and people who really knew me made it a point to immediately start referring to me as Julz. It was weird at first, no one thinks it’s weird when we change our last name when we get married, but first name?

I decided that I was going to go by Julz 100 % all the time. People at work started to call me Julz and the transition was actually pretty easy. The dance world got it completely. The people who didn’t get and still don’t get it call me Kathy. My insides cringe when I hear it. Sometimes since it’s been so long, I don’t even realize they are talking to me. I tried to correct a couple people who know me for a long time, but they said they could never call me Julz or that they forget. They even type Kathy on my Julz Facebook page. Please don’t refer to me with a name at all then, that would be better.

I haven’t changed my name legally yet. I’ve been making up excuses. The little needy girl doesn’t want to hurt her adopted mother who named her Kathy. She hates the name Julz so out of respect to her I go by Kathy at the care facility she is at. On legal documents I am still Kathleen and keep thinking what a pain in the ass it would be to change power of attorney, mortgage, my license & passport. The medical world also still knows me as Kathy. Except my new doctor at Dartmouth Hitchcock, Dr. Coburn, found out I preferred Julz and made a special note in my chart for everyone to refer to me as Julz!

A couple years ago I found out in therapy that I was suffering with attachment disorder. I have been afraid that if I wasn’t perfect people would not want me around. This was profound and I finally had answers to why I was who I was for all those years.

This was an extremely hard piece for me to write, but when I said that my blog was going to honest and authentic I meant it. To not explain why and what “Julzie style” is would be a lie and a shame.

This blog is my next step on my journey and I am excited to be sharing it with everyone. So listen up…my name is Julz!!!! Julzie dances to her own drum!

I have taught lots of beginners how to cook, but I really love teaching people how to become better cooks. It’s my favorite kind of adult cooking classes to teach. It took me a long time to figure out these simple hacks. Before I even start, I want to say that the biggest way to save time and stress is to read the recipe that you are going to make first. Before you do anything, read the recipe all the way through so there won’t be any surprises when it is time to cook. Let’s start!

Before you start to prep anything get yourself a prep bowl. It can be any kind of bowl. It can even be a disposable container. It doesn’t have to be pretty, mine was a gift from my father in law and I use it every day. Keeping a prep bowl on your kitchen work space saves time, energy and a mess. Think of how many times you run back and forth to the garbage can. This stupid little thing will shock you how much time it saves. On big cooking days I empty mine two or three times.

Start with a clean kitchen and clean as you go. I cannot stress this enough. Starting any project with a mess makes the whole cooking experience overwhelming and you haven’t even started cooking yet. Take the time and do it. You will notice a difference.

Prep ahead as much as you can and your time spent cooking will be a breeze. Mise en place is a culinary term meaning to prep. If you watch cooking shows they always have everything in little bowls ready to go. This is when you chop, dice, measure your ingredients in your recipe. Then just like the magic of tv, you will be making dinner effortlessly like they do on your favorite cooking program. Maybe not quite in the beginning, but you will get better at it.

I know I know you don’t have time to prep, you are busy. You can prep anytime and you can do it instead of being on social media. Well it’s true. Even taking only 10 minutes you can get things prepped. You don’t have to prep all at once. When my kids were small I would do little things at a time, so when dinner came it was quick and easy.

Speaking of quick and easy, think about what is a weeknight meal and what is a weekend meal. I’m sure if any of my adult cooking students are reading this they are having flashbacks to me saying this over and over in class. For example a pork tenderloin cooks quickly and can be prepared and ready in less than 30 minutes. Great for a Tuesday night dinner. Make 2 and have leftovers for lunch. A pork roast which requires a longer cook time, may be less stressful on a Saturday night. Sundays are a great day to cook a lot and use these meals during the week or planning leftovers from your main dish. That’s another blog post.

If you want to try to experiment with a harder recipe let’s say a porchetta, do it on a day you actually have the time and energy. It should be a pleasant, fun learning experience. If it doesn’t come out? Again that another blog post of how I am when things don’t turn out how I want them to. Ask my family. LOL

I haven’t mentioned crockpot cooking for a reason and don’t get mad at me. Crockpot cooking requires little effort and skill since most recipes are dump and go. Anyone can make a meal in a crockpot or an instant pot, we are talking about wanting to be a better cook. Better cooks braise their meats for example. Better cooks also develop flavor during the cooking process and not just season once.

What’s the difference between dollar store herbs and spices or bulk ones you find in a health food store or kitchen specialty shop? We are lucky to have a place called The Market Wagon near us. These spices are fresh, sold in small quantities and are inexpensive. I passed around dollar store spices and fresh bulk ones and my students were surprised. One person didn’t know that bay leaves had a smell or that all the different kinds of paprika tasted differently.

If you don’t have a place to buy spices, at least do me a favor. Go through your spice cabinet and look at how old some of your spices are. If spices are old, they lose all their potency and flavor. If they were cheap to begin with, it happens even sooner. How long do you think they sat on the store shelf before you bought them? The herbs and spices I get have the date they were packaged on.

Unless you are doing lots of big batch cooking don’t get sucked into buying those large commercial kitchen containers. You know what ones I am talking about. You will never go through it quick enough, back to the losing flavor and potency thing. Caring about every ingredient that goes into your dishes will make them more delicious, making you a better cook. Good ingredients = good results.

Sharpen your knives they tell you. A dull knife is more dangerous than a sharp one. You know why? Because if its so dull that it can’t go through what you are trying to cut, the knife will slip or bounce off and cut your fingers. Kitchen stores have lots of options for sharpening your knives. Both expensive and less expensive. I am working on learning to use a wet stone to sharpen mine, but I am not there yet. If your knives are in really bad shape or have never been sharpened, this is something you absolutely have to do. Seriously!

Get yourself the right kitchen tools to make some jobs easier. I am not talking about all the useless gadgets they sell in stores. Most of them are ridiculous. The best money you can spend is on a couple different sizes of measuring scoops. Scoops not spoons. You should already have measuring spoons and cups for both liquid and dry measurements. I watch people struggle to make their cookies or their meatball the same size. When you use a scoop whatever it is you are making, it’s going to be the same size as the rest. When they are all the same size, they will cook evenly and some won’t be burnt or underdone.

These few things are just the beginning of becoming a better cook. I will be going over lots of things that most people don’t know are important….silver skin is just one of them.

There is a debate here in our house, how to properly eat a banana. Who knew there was a proper way to eat a banana. I think the opposite way that Marty and my younger son Sam do. They are both left handed thinkers. Smart and good at math, science, engineering and analytical. Neither of them could draw a stick figure to save their life. My older son Noah and I are right handed thinkers. We are smart too, but are more visual, creative and artistic. We can draw stick figures. LOL

Marty and Sam peel their bananas from the bottom and I peel mine from the top. They say it’s easier to peel it from the bottom, then you have a built in handle. They actually thought of this?

I tried peeling my banana from the bottom and it wasn’t easier for me. Every time I tried I squished the bottom of the banana. The worse part is this disgusting looking thing that is at the end of a banana. I honestly get queasy just looking at it. I can’t believe I ate so many of these nasty little things in my lifetime!

Is this important stuff? These types of discussions in our home turn into big discussions. The left handed thinkers are always trying to convince the right handed thinkers how to do things their way, or in their minds the right way. I really don’t care how they eat their bananas, I think its hilarious they care how I eat mine.

Well I’ll bet you never thought about how you eat a banana before….have you?

Hopefulness – “The feeling you have when you have hope. Hope-the general feeling that some desire will be fulfilled.” Definition by The Free Dictionary

We spent a long time in our production kitchen today, filling wholesale orders. After a quick lunch, we had a bunch of deliveries to make. While I was sitting in the passenger seat, I was looking at my social media pages and noticed how much hope was in the air. Everyone was posting how hopeful they were and that got me thinking of hopefulness.

Nothing says hopefulness like our dogs Otto & Klaus. They are full of hope. As soon as they hear me go into the kitchen and stand at my island workbench, their ears perk up. One second after they hear a knife slice through something, it doesn’t matter what, they come running and sit at my feet. Even if they are upstairs. This is also true of any rattling of plastic wrap or foil.

You would think that I fed them scraps and human food all day and night. It’s the direct opposite. Klaus has so many allergies that most bulldogs have, that we have to be careful what he eats. In the photos you can see a scab on his nose and his ears are a little red because he is still getting over a corn allergy. Yup, another thing added to the list.

I made a mad dash to the store last week very late in the day to buy a zero grain food, thank goodness it’s working and he likes it. The gluten free diet he’s been on wasn’t working anymore.

I’ve been a food detective my whole life. I’ve needed to keep a food journal for my own food allergies and what triggers my ulcerative colitis. When I needed to remove gluten from my diet I didn’t know it mascaraed around under so many names. I was sick for a long time figuring that out. Our older son Noah had so many food allergies and sensitivities when he was a toddler; I had to play Sherlock Holmes back then as well.

Taking Noah for allergy testing confirmed almost everything I knew. Allergy testing didn’t exist for food additives, so I figured out yellow dye, corn syrup and salicylates myself. A tough time taking away almost everything he loved, but the allergies and bad behavior went away quickly.

Every afternoon after lunch Otto starts staring me down. I know what he wants. He wants me to go upstairs and lay on my bed with him. Hopeful eyes right? After I give in, he lays down in the same place every time. He sleeps in a different part of the bed at night. Its like he’s my guard dog watching that no one comes in to disturb us. LOL

The most hopeful these guys are is to go out and play ball or go for a walk. They can be outside for 5 minutes or 5 hours; they would still be hopeful to play again. Any eye contact with either of them is misconstrued as playtime. We walk around not looking at them, until it is playtime.

I love these photos I took last summer and the big smiles on their faces. It reminded me how important being hopeful is.

A new laptop was delivered a few days ago. I signed for it from the Fedex guy. Marty came home from his farmers market and told me the laptop was for me. “I do not need a fancy laptop!!!!!” “Totally un necessary!” “Why did you do that?” Marty told me I needed the right tools to have a successful blog and that using my phone like I have been isn’t the right tool.

Did I need this or deserve this? Is my blog writing worthy of a new laptop? Is what I am writing worthy to have as a blog? Flashback to me being a stay at home mom. We felt it was very important for me to stay home with our boys Noah & Sam until they were both in school. Marty worked 3 additional side jobs to make this happen. He taught computer classes at night, worked at a friends hotdog wagon, was a DJ the list goes on. I was a really good stay at home mom and took it very seriously. If I was going to be staying home we were going to have a clean house, nice meals, activities for the boys, laundry done etc. I felt like everything had to be perfect all the time since this was job and I was always a hard worker. I made up a food budget and stuck to it the best I could at every food shopping trip. I was frugal, learned that cooking from scratch was more cost effective and our oldest boy had food allergies so it became necessary. I got the boys what they needed but I never got myself anything really. I felt bad or guilty spending money on myself and knew the money could go to more important things. Basically I didn’t feel worthy and not because anyone made me feel that way. Marty would get mad and tell me to buy myself whatever I needed or wanted and not second hand!!!!

After I went back to work I wasn’t the breadwinner. I was never the breadwinner. This made me feel the same way about buying myself things. It was all in my head. All my life I felt like I had to repay people for taking care of me and this included my husband. I am not sure he even knows I felt this way. He would buy me a new coat or slippers and I would get mad and say you shouldn’t have. Then it all changed!!!!

In March of 2017 I created the worlds only gluten free, no boil, package to pan to plate in 5 minutes German Spatzle. You can read about our story on our website www.vtspatzlecompany.com We sold our first package in June and there we were, brand new business owners!!!! I technically am the business owner. So guess what???? After we realized that this was a real business I was able to quit my real job in less than 2 months!!! I guess it was all in my head because I finally felt entitled to get myself some things. Not really frivolous things, just new things!!!!

So why when the new laptop came did I regress back to my old self???? I think because I don’t know if this blog is worth it. This is frivolous to me I guess. Whatever the case its water under the bridge and I fucking love my new laptop!!!! I felt so comfortable using it. Designing this damn blog is such an uncomfortable thing at least its nice getting pissed off at it using a beautiful brand new laptop!!!!!!