This week has gotten away from me. I intended to write about the Pride event and gig right away while I still felt that post-gig high. I felt great and had no trouble breathing during the performance like I did in the past. The day turned out so well, and I was ecstatic.
Photo credit Kat Farnham
On Monday, the high humidity and wildfire smoke had different plans for me. Without boring you with the details of an emotionally unstable person with serious diseases, I was physically and mentally punched in the stomach.
I couldn’t breathe again and had trouble going up the stairs needing to stop mid-way. I knew my lung disease would affect my life; I just wasn’t ready for how bad I would feel again.
During belly dance class and rehearsal for another gig that we have on Wednesday night at the North Bennington at 7:30 pm. I couldn’t breathe whenever I tried to dance to fast songs.
Apparently, oxygen wasn’t getting to my muscles properly, causing me to be exhausted and had to stop dancing. “Oh, so this is how it’s going to be?” I kept asking myself.
At the end of rehearsal, I apologized to everyone for having my head in the clouds and being unable to dance. They were extremely supportive and kind.
As dance sisters, we are always there for each other in times of crisis and bad days. We have a bond that most people will never experience.
The six of us are truly dance sisters, and I love each of them. In the morning, everyone sent me a message asking how I felt. How lucky are we?
I have to stay inside, which is ok. We have the air conditioning on because Nelly and Klaus can’t go outside either.
Nelly started to overheat earlier in the day because she was sunbathing. I wrapped her up in a cold, wet towel.
These types of dogs are prone to overheating and having breathing issues due to the structure of their faces.
We knew this when we got them and have to keep a close eye on them when it’s hot out. It only takes Nelly less than 5 minutes to overheat.
It’s scary; I’m glad I found her on the deck in time. She usually goes under a tree or the table for shade, but she must have dozed off. It’s really like having a baby again.
All photos were taken by Jon Katz
Here is a photo dump of some of the photos from the parade and performance. Thank you to Jon Katz and Kat Farnham for taking beautiful photos of us while we walked in the parade or danced.
Photo credits to Maria Wulf and Emily Gold
We have a busy weekend coming up. We have a birthday party on Saturday night, and my sister Jennifer is coming on Sunday for a few days.
Photo credit Christopher Wright
We plan to do a lot of cooking and talking as usual. We will be busy hosting a dinner party and a good old-fashioned cookout on Tuesday. We haven’t seen each other since the last Fourth of July; I am excited to spend time together.
Enjoy your holiday weekend, guys. Be safe, and Happy Friday! 😀🇺🇸 🍔 🌭 🍉 🎆
After my nervous breakdown in April and my visit to the lower world with Hawk, I was shown all the beautiful things in my life. Right now, right here. After that, I started looking at everything that brings me joy and what does not. I started getting rid of stuff that didn’t bring me joy.
The first thing that came to mind was the joy of gardening. There are plenty of reasons why I stopped gardening; besides not having enough time, I hated kneeling and weeding constantly. The weeds seemed to grow back before I was done. I also didn’t like black flies buzzing around my head and face.
Back then, we planted a culinary garden with different sections. There was an Italian section with Roma tomatoes, Italian parsley, eggplant, and basil. The Mexican garden had other tomatoes for salsa, cilantro, and peppers. The Asian garden had scallions, Thai basil, peppers, and Japanese eggplant, to name just a few.
It was fun growing a culinary garden and planning what I would make with what we produced. When I thought about what I loved about gardening was that concept. When planning our garden in our raised beds, we kept it simple and grew an Italian kitchen garden.
After the septic system catastrophe, we ended up with a new retaining wall and slate terrace, which came out fantastic. This was the silver lining of a costly project that had to be done immediately. I didn’t freak out when we realized what needed to be done. I was looking ahead at the outcome.
Since I went on that journey with Hawk in April, I have been tested repeatedly. So much so that it makes me laugh. I can get over situations quickly, giving the worries or anxiety away and focusing on the now. I see hawks hovering over our house or while I am driving. Hawk, my power animal, is very powerful, which I am grateful for.
I’ve tried to live in the now for years; I have statues of Buddha everywhere to remind me. Now, instead of reminders, I give thanks and gratitude to Buddha when I see them. I bought a Buddha statue for our new garden that greets us when we enter the terrace garden.
Tonight, before I went out to water the garden, flowers, and herbs, I remembered my favorite part of the day was watering the garden with a cold glass of white wine or a summery cocktail like a gin and tonic with a lime.
That’s exactly what I did while dinner was in the oven and the sun was just right. I loved padding around barefoot on the slate pieces of the terrace that were still warm from the afternoon sun. I was caught up in the moment and realized this was one of my favorite joys!
When I woke up early on Sunday morning I saw a bouquet of flowers on my kitchen island. Then I saw Sam!
We haven’t seen Sammy since the middle of February when I was sick with pneumonia; I barely remember the visit.
After I said, “Sam!” He replied, “Happy Mother’s Day!” He planned to come down for a couple of days since he a few days off. Yay!
Klaus was over the moon and Nelly finally got to meet her other big brother, she already has spent time with Noah and his girlfriend, Aja.
Nelly, in her truest form, captured Sam’s heart. He got a kick out of what a mischievous tough little girl she is. She made him smile and laugh but most of all, she loved cuddling with him.
Then, just like that, his visit was over, I am so happy we got to spend some time together. ❤️
I just wrote today about our string of bad luck, loss and stress since November. That was before we got the news…the clay pipe from the house to the septic system is gone.
We started to get water in our basement a couple of weeks ago but thought it was ground water. Then it got worse and worse.
Marty checked if it was coming from the washer, it wasn’t. Today, he looked in a crawl space where the septic system starts and discovered 3 feet of the clay pipe gone.
There are lots of details but this where we are are at 7:51 pm. We have no septic, meaning we can’t use any water except in buckets and dumping them outside. No toilets is a big one or two I should say.
Marty met with a local guy who does this type of work and found out a new pipeline needs to be installed. Easy? Never for us.
We have to have a 190 year old retaining wall taken down so the machinery can dig the new line. A new wall will need to be installed.
Our outdoor walk-in refrigerator needs to be moved. A new tank will have to be installed since the old piping is under part of our production kitchen and there is no way to get to it without destroying the buildings.
We won’t have water for the next 24-48 hours. The inside of our house sells like it is the septic system. It’s bad, very bad.
We can’t go into production until the septic system is repaired. By the way, we had to put a new septic system in two weeks after we bought our house in 2004, that didn’t include the clay piping.
Restaurants will have to 86 our spätzle on their menus and replace it with another starch. Stores will have to wait. Customers will have to wait which means no sales.
We will have a total fucking mess after the new septic is installed. The person who is doing the job will then start putting everything back together. It will look good when it’s all over, but still what the actual fuck!
At this point I am done. Marty is done too. I thought we were good people who constantly try to help others, but get the short end of the stick every time.
We are lucky we have neighbors who graciously offered their restrooms and showers which we will have to take them up on since it’s a very shitty situation.
I’m not editing this post, it is what it is. I’ll keep you posted. ~julz
During my illness, I watched a lot of Youtube videos. There is not much more you can do when you are too sick to do anything else, and I didn’t want to drown myself in a sea of negativity scrolling through my social media newsfeeds. Smart right?
One day I stumbled upon a Youtube channel called “Ame, in a van.” Ame’s videos are 10-15 minutes long, and I liked her concept of spending two years building her travel van. She is a young woman in her 20s traveling alone through Europe.
Her parents did the same thing, sold their home and all their belongings, building their van, just larger. They, too, have a Youtube channel of their own which is successful like Ame’s.
I watched Ame’s video on Paris and was highly disappointed and disgusted by what I saw in the city of lights. The city that has been my lifelong destination to visit one day.
The place I dreamt about since reading the children’s books, Madeline. I’ve written about Madeline before on my blog. I still love those books!
So many people! This is last summer in high season, but more people have started visiting Paris during the off time; most likely, those times will also begin to be crowded. I think people, in general, have forgotten about their manners, respect, and regard for others since the pandemic.
Then I learned about Paris Syndrome. I was experiencing Paris Syndrome without even traveling there. Paris Syndrome is real; I can attest to that, even sitting on my couch. Instead of me trying to explain it, here is one of the articles I read Paris Syndrome.
No, thank you!
This is what made me realize why I never made the trip before, I am not a world traveler, and neither is Marty, even though he traveled to many places and cities around the world with his family as a child. I didn’t want to happen in Paris what happened when we traveled in the past.
Our wonderful trips were trips to Aruba for our honeymoon, Puerto Rico with our friends Daniel and Michael, Montreal with Marty’s brother, Germany, where he has relatives, New York City, which we know like the back of our hands, and Phoenix.
I went to California for three weeks when I worked for Giorgio Armani, but the whole trip was planned for me, and I worked the entire time. I did get to sightsee on my only day off; one of the other employees took me to LA. What a cool city to see through a local’s eyes.
The trips that were total fails for us were to Austria, Amsterdam, East Germany, Boston, and Las Vegas, to name a few. When we get to places alone, we aren’t familiar with; we are like deer in headlights.
We research places to eat, attractions to see, and hotels to stay at; we wander around aimlessly and always feel disappointed or have Paris syndrome with those trips.
I think travel tours and cruises are wonderful for people to see the world. My bio mom has traveled all around the world and loves traveling. I am very envious of her love of travel, but I didn’t get that gene or her slim tall figure. Lol.
She used to travel with her husband, but after his passing, she goes on tours and cruises with her friends; they have amazing times. She has worked hard and spends her money practically to be able to travel. Kudos to her. ♥️
Shortly after, I made my realization about Paris; I found out about the possibility of having severe lung issues. I wasn’t sad if I couldn’t fulfill my fairytale dream because of an illness, which was very telltale about my Paris decision.
I decided to keep Paris as my fairytale dream and not spoil what I have in my head. It’s like watching a bad movie of your favorite book; it ruins what you had previously imagined.
About a month ago, when I was in a deep, dark state of depression, Marty asked me if it was time for me to finally have a little baby girl Frenchie to help with all my heartaches, illness, and loss had I experienced over the last few months.
I don’t write about everything since I don’t want this to be a woe-is-me blog. For instance, I took a horrible fall at 6 am on Easter morning, stepping down from the porch to our driveway. I rolled down the driveway since it is on a hill.
I was holding Nelly and somehow managed to not fall on her. I landed on my right side and did a number on my right arm. The next day, I felt like I was run over by a truck.
Back to Paris, I apologize for getting off track; that’s my Irish storytelling. After being ok about not going to Paris, how fitting it seemed to adopt a Frenchie, I love Frenchies and would freak out whenever I saw one.
There are lots of Frenchiee that go to the Troy Market, and I remember most of their names. I never thought there would be a possibility of having one before; we didn’t want to get any more pets after Klaus since we wanted to travel. Lol.
Well, you all know what happened next…Nelly! The perfect puppy for our family, it feels like she’s always been here and has blended into our lives seamlessly. She is brilliant and learns things quickly.
Nelly and Klaus are in love with each other and are inseparable. Nelly is so much fun for Klaus at this older stage of life. They love playing and resting together outside on warm, sunny days on the couch.
Here is a short video showing how much fun they have together. Klaus is an old softie, and Nelly has brass balls.
I traded my fairytale dream place that would have lasted for a week for a life to be fulfilled right here in Arlington, VT, and travel to places we can drive to and bring Nelly & Klaus along.
Will we ever travel again? Of course, but on vacations, we feel comfortable such as visiting different all-inclusive resorts in the Caribbean or Mexico.
What a relaxing trip it would be to go to a resort where we wouldn’t have to leave if we didn’t want to.
A vacation we don’t have to think about, and the only expectation is beautiful blue-green water, blue skies, sunshine, and which island cocktails to try every day. 🍹
Have you ever had Paris Syndrome on one of your trips somewhere? I doubt we are the only ones. Au Revoir, friends.
I am so proud of both of my sons, I’ve used the old fashioned saying, “I’m so proud my buttons are popping off,” or something like that.
Sam has been a registered nurse for two years already and has worked on a rescue squad since he is 14. Critical care emergency medicine is his specialty.
Right now, he is 22 years old and working hard on his career while working in the busy Emergency Department at UVM up in Burlington, VT.
The next thing on Sam’s agenda was to become a paramedic. He entered a program called RN to Paramedic course.
He did 6 weeks of online learning on his own time then spent 2 weeks of practical training in Missouri.
He ran with rescue squads not only in Missouri, but Arkansas, Tennessee and on Indian reservations.
Sam told us he learned a lot, met a lot of great people and made friends for life. Who could ask for more in continuing ed?
He was the first one out of 20 to take and pass his written and practical exams. He likes to test right after since he is pumped up and wants to get it over with.
Now when he joins a rescue squad in his new area, he can run as a paramedic as well as when he’s visiting here in Arlington.
Many of the students in his class were taking the class for the same reason as Sam. They all want “fly” and want to be able to work per diem shifts or work full time at a medical flight agency as a nurse or paramedic.
There are many differences between what a nurse and paramedic can do on emergency flights. They can do either which gives them flexibility when picking up shifts.
They all will have to go to flight school before they can practice emergency medicine in the air. Sam said it’s a hard class with only a 50% pass rate the first time you take the exams.
It’s difficult knowing the correct dosages of medications which are different up in a helicopter or airplane. Also, whoever is onboard with the flight team is in a life or death situation.
There is so much important information they will need to learn and train for. He already has the adrenaline, compassion and the ability to stay calm to perform the job well.
I have no doubt he will do it. He doesn’t like to be the center of attention, but I am my kids biggest fan and wanted to share.
I haven’t had the energy or the will to cook or do baking, but today I did! I haven’t cooked a few dishes at once since our dinner party on January 29. Yikes!
Nelly got us up nice and early, at 5 am. My body clock switched when she joined our family. I crash into bed by 9:30 pm at the latest and fall right to sleep. It’s pretty amazing; sleep is so underrated.
I started by writing my own recipe and experimenting with soft training treats and doggie crackers using the same dough. This will be a separate post on Monday.
Next, I made my infamous tomato tart for Easter dinner at our friend’s house. Did I mention this is the first time in 33 years I’ve had to cook Easter Dinner?
Then, I made a classic French fluffy asparagus quiche for Easter breakfast tomorrow morning. OMG! I love fluffy quiche.
I made seared scallops for dinner with a white sine and lemon pan sauce, risotto, and sautéed asparagus, the leftovers from the quiche.
It was relaxing having a glass of wine, listening to a dinner party playlist, and slowly and lovingly stirring the risotto. I was taught to always use the same wooden spoon and stir the risotto clockwise.
I’ve been doing that for 25 years, and it always comes out perfect. There are no shortcuts when making risotto, and it’s not something you can rush. This is why risotto is such a popular dish in restaurants.
Dinner was incredible; I realized how much I missed cooking while I was sick. Marty kept saying how good it was. I know he missed my cooking for seven weeks. We threw things together that passed as substance. I was so sick I didn’t give a shit what I ate.
I had all eyes on me while I was prepping at my butcher block kitchen island.
I am feeling better every day. I was pleased with how much I accomplished being home alone with a puppy that is hell on wheels and into everything. Klaus is a good sport and is showing her the ropes.
Look for my post about my three-ingredient doggie treats recipe that is easy to make. I’ll show you how they came out. I am packaging some for my friend’s dogs. I’ll see tomorrow at Easter dinner.
Someone looks very serious and looks like a cat.Those blue eyes are really something.
This puppy has made me one of those doggie moms I never thought I’d be. Never say never, they say. I finally have a little “girl” in my life; my friend Jon says she will be one lucky dog. He’s right. I can’t wait to pick out some clothes for her when she’s full-size. 🤗
Klaus spent the afternoon making deliveries and running errands in Dorset & Manchester, VT with me. I’ve got color in my cheeks again and a smile. I had no issues making the deliveries which I couldn’t do last week.
Although this is Easter weekend, this is not a religious post, or have anything to do with Jesus, Rabbi, or Yeshua what I call Him.
This post is about me, and the rebirth I felt overnight after seeing the pulmonologist on Wednesday afternoon.
The pulmonary office had a cancellation, calling me at 8 am asking if I could be there at 2 pm. Wild horses couldn’t stop me.
I didn’t have time to be nervous days before the appointment. My original appointment was in April 26, which was still 3 weeks away.
I saw an older male pulmonologist which I wasn’t sure about the first 10 seconds. Then he spoke to me in a calm, father-like tone. The first thing he did was going over my complete medical history.
It’s really helpful now that I know my family’s medical history on my mother’s side and bits and pieces of my father’s. (Newcomers, I was adopted and speaking of my biological parents.)
I brought him up to date with the whole pneumonia situation and how I’ve noticed I’ve had breathing issues before I became ill such as climbing 2 flights of stairs and while performing at the 2 gigs at last year.
It all makes sense now. He showed me the three X-rays and cat scan, explaining everything he saw. This scarring happened before I had pneumonia he strongly surmised.
The doctor spent an hour with me, easing my worst thoughts. This wasn’t as bad as I thought.
The pulmonologist suspected the scarring in my lungs was most likely caused by the drug Humira I’ve been injecting for 5 years. He told me not to go back on it.
At the end of my appointment, the doctor prescribed a course of prednisone and a different inhaler to be used mornings & evenings.
Marty purchased me a device to blow into that creates oscillating positive pressure, in your airways and clears away mucus and improves your breathing.
In 6 weeks, I’ll have another cat scan to see if my lungs are improving. If not, I’ll be referred to a specialist at Dartmouth Hitchcock where my gastroenterologist is.
The pulmonologist can’t say for sure if this is only scarring even though that’s what he is thinking. He told me to keep in mind there is a possibility it could be pulmonary fibrosis.
The doctor was very nice made me feel comfortable. He gave me hope and told me not to worry so much. He also told me that I looked good and healthy.
Marty was relieved when I told him about my appointment. He told me, this is the turning point, you’re going to be fine and back to my normal self in no time.
I got a great nights sleep and woke up feeling different. A huge, heavy weight was lifted off my shoulders. I felt alive and had energy. I wasn’t consumed with worry and doubt.
I was so crippled with anxiety and fear it was as if they were holding my body in a straight jacket; that jacket is now removed and I am starting to feel like myself again. It’s amazing what the mind can do.
I realized upon waking, this was a rebirth for me in no uncertain terms. This was the turning point Marty spoke of.
Our house is usually tidy, especially since we decluttered many things and went for a simple design with clean lines.
Don’t get me wrong, when we were super busy with the business, and I was sick, there was shit everywhere. I was so ill I didn’t care, which is unlike me.
Even when I think my house is a wreck, people who stop by think our house is clean. I guess it’s different perspectives and expectations. Mine are very high since I am a total asshole perfectionist.
The last time I gave the place a top-to-bottom cleaning was at the end of January when we hosted a dinner party for our friends. A week before, I became ill.
Last week, in the production kitchen, I learned I could not be in the kitchen when it’s being disinfected with bleach spray and sanitized.
We tried using a bucket with bleach and water, but that made me cough my head off, and my airway felt raw. I needed to use my emergency inhaler to catch my breath from coughing.
Marty has taken over the production kitchen disinfection and sanitizing; however, on Friday, I returned to the kitchen with a towel over my face to get something, and I coughed until Sunday. This is a serious problem.
I love cleaning and washing whites with bleach. When Noah was small, someone said he was so clean he smelled like bleach. I was proud sick then, but now I think I was a complete whack job.
I shudder thinking he breathed in bleach every day. Up until last week, bleach meant clean to me. How else could I get his onesies, socks, and white shoelaces sparkling clean? Ugh! 😑
Even my favorite orange furniture oil contains fragrance allergens. I will have to pick up old-fashioned lemon oil and use that instead.
After we realized I couldn’t do the final cleaning in the kitchen anymore, I knew I had to change all the chemicals I used to clean our house and laundry. I had to replace everything literally!
Marty went to Hannaford Supermarket and picked up the line of Method cleaning products. I already used some, and they worked fantastically. The shower spray shocked me with how well it cleaned the white shower tiles. I sprayed it on and didn’t rinse it off as the bottle said.
I switched to free and clear laundry pods and ordered new shampoo, conditioner, and detangler for my hair. I already use an all-natural goat’s milk soap I get from my friend Joanne, a fellow vendor at the farmers market. Joanne’s soaps smell great and last 4-6 months.
I don’t have an appointment with my new pulmonologist until April 26th. I don’t know how bad my pulmonary fibrosis is. I am taking it very seriously if I am going to fight this fucker and live a long life.
Tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone, but I am living a little to no chemicals life, eating healthier, even healthier than I am already.
I also started moving more; Nelly was the perfect answer to the moving more part. I can’t wait to go for walks with the dogs when she gets a little bigger.
The title of this blog post is called, Cleaning 2.0 since I have to change the way I clean with different products
Even if you think your home is clean, it’s not a new baby, puppy, or kitten clean. Holy shit, there were more hidden dust bunnies, electrical wires, and all kinds of shit she could chew on, eat, or pull over.
Today, when Klaus and Marty, were out making deliveries in NY. I found an old baby gate and blocked Nelly in our back room. She needs constant supervision, and this was the best place for her.
While I was upstairs cleaning, I suddenly heard a bunch of noises. I went downstairs to check on her; she got tired of playing with her toys and hiding out in her bunker, also known as the loveseat. She knocked over or pulled down everything she could reach. Nosey Nelly!
I decided at that moment It was snuggle time. Nelly laid in the same spot behind my legs where Otto used to when we snuggled. It made me feel good; instead of making me cry because I missed him so much.
I am covered in dog hair after cleaning up all the dust bunnies.
Klausie boy isn’t a snuggler, so I am glad Nelly is. Today, I felt connected to Otto through Nelly; it was a beautiful, peaceful feeling.
I am happy to report I am going back to belly dance tomorrow night while Marty holds down the fort in puppy land. I’ve missed it so much and the lovely women I dance with.
