Spirit guides & past lives…

Each week of this Sunday series about my healing and psychic gifts, I have gone further down the rabbit hole. Hold on to your hats for this one.

I mentioned in last week’s post I have three Spirit Guides. Cho-San is a Japanese Elder/Ancestor who, at first, I thought was Chinese. Walking Moon an Indian Chief & John the Baptist. Weird, right?

When I first met them, I thought it was interesting these were my Guides—digging more profound as to why it suddenly made so much sense to me.

My parents took me to the Elizabeth, NJ, Public Library when I was five. Each time I went, I would take out the same book over and over. 

My favorite book was called Dance, Dance Amy-Chan. It was a story about two little Japanese sisters, Amy & Suzy Chan. I knew the book by heart and loved the illustrations.

About seven years ago, Marty surprised me with a gift. He found a used copy of Dance Dance Amy-Chan. Wowzers!

I haven’t seen this book since I was little. When I opened the package, I was shocked that he had found it. I was more shocked that he remembered and looked for my favorite book! He is a keeper! 

I opened the book and read it aloud to Noah, Sam, Marty, Otto, and Klausie-boy. It all returned to me and how much I loved it and still do. 

Another thing to note is that when I was 5 or 6 years old, I thought that Asian girls were beautiful. I wished I was Japanese or Chinese with their shiny, straight, blue-black hair and porcelain faces. 

After my father’s death in 2000, I wanted to have a tattoo done to represent how I felt about him dying at only 61 years old of ALS. I immediately wanted to do a sleeve of Japanese cherry blossoms, not pink, but red.

In Japan, a cherry blossom represents life, death, and renewal. It’s a reminder that life is beautiful but short, like the flower itself on the cherry tree. I had my tattoo done in a watercolor effect reminding me of paintings of cherry blossoms.

My tattoo artist Larry and I came up with the design. It was his first watercolor piece. He nailed the hell out of it! I can’t tell you how many compliments I’ve received over this piece of artwork.

After doing two past life regressions, I figured out why I have Walking Moon and John the Baptist. It was unbelievable and answered some childhood fears. Scary, awful fears. 

When I was four or five, I had to go through a whole routine after my parents tucked me into bed. It was the only way I felt safe to fall asleep. I never told them this, or anyone for that matter. 

As soon as I closed my eyes, I heard marching using my third eye—a muffled marching. I would start to sweat and panic. I would lay on my stomach, stretch my legs out to the sides of the mattress and tuck my hands under my belly. This was every night for a couple of years.

I was afraid someone would come and crucify me while I was sleeping. At this age, I wasn’t in school yet and never took a religion class. The only thing I knew about Jesus and Easter was from my Nana and going to church, but not the specifics of Christ’s horrific death.

At that age, as far as Easter went, I cared more about wearing a new pink dress with my patent leather Mary Jane shoes and little white gloves. Oh, and my little purse. Yes, I’ve always been like this.

In the early 2000s, while working on my healing and psychic skills, I began researching past life regressions, something I had never heard of before. 

I started reading books written by Dr. Brian L Weiss. Next, I listened to his guided past life regressions. It was fascinating. I believed in reincarnation but learned it’s not like what I imagined. 

Every soul is pure energy, and to continue our soul work in earth school, the soul needs a vessel or a shell, a body.

It’s like recycling energy over and over, either learning lessons or not until we get it right. This is why we can feel that loved ones are still with us; we feel and recognize their energy. They are still with us. It’s a comforting thought to me.

Eventually, after getting over the scary idea of actually doing a past life regression on myself, I tried it instead of just listening to Dr. Weiss’ guided past life regressions.

It took me quite a few attempts over a couple of months to get myself into the necessary trance-like state of relaxation and consciousness. 

As a note, if you are frightened to journey or to do a guided meditation, you won’t be able to do it. It’s as simple as that. It’s like trying to put a square peg into a round hole. Also, they will not show you things above your skill level or are not ready to see.

In one past life regression, I was a woman. A regression starts from your death, and you work your way back as far as you can or wish to go.

I was a woman and face down in sandy dirt. My mouth was full of grit and blood; so were my eyes and ears. My body hurt everywhere. I realized I had been stoned to death and knew why.

Here is what freaked me out so much that I almost came out of the regression; I saw I was hiding behind a massive rock with my heart racing. 

I heard the sound of marching, the kind I heard when I was little. I saw I was hiding from marching soldiers, the ones who had Yeshua. 

I had never heard the name Yeshua before the regression. Yeshua was known as Jesus Christ, but our group called him Rabbi or Yeshua. I know, I know, this is a lot. 

I go back further and found myself with a group of women. We were what you would call groupies and followers of John the Baptist before Yeshua came into the picture. Prophets predicted John as the forerunner to Christ.

Jesus and John were related; John’s mother, Elizabeth, who gave birth to him at an old age, was a relative of Mother Mary. The Bible doesn’t say they were cousins since there is no word in Hebrew for cousin.

As John gained popularity quickly, he was imprisoned and beheaded by order of King Herod. Actually, at his daughter Salmone’s request. She wanted John the Baptist’s head brought to her on a platter. It makes me sick to even type this, especially typing their names which I have never done before.

I could feel the pain and grief again after John’s horrible death. I was sad, heartbroken, and angry he was taken from us in such a cruel way.

When I came out of that regression, I didn’t want to share it with my Sunday meditation group. I was shaken up. I thought they would think I was lying or making it up. Who has a famous person as their Spirit Guide?

I decided to share it with them even though I was an emotional wreck about it. That huge childhood fear I had of being crucified was real! It was a soul memory!  

I am almost positive that Walking Moon was an Indian Chief in one of the villages I lived in with my tribe in a previous life.

When I did another regression and went back to shortly before my death, I was an old woman with long white hair in braids. 

I was sitting in a canoe-type of a boat with one oar. I was paddling down a calm stream surrounded by trees. It was as though I was gliding on the water. It was quiet and peaceful. I was content. 

I remember hearing the sound of the paddle hitting the water. I came out of the regression quickly. It was a pleasant soul memory, finally.

Another regression returned to another childhood fear that went well into my teens. As you are regressing, it’s incredible that you can connect the dots in this life.

Whenever I went to a sleepover at someone’s house, went down the shore, or went on a trip with my friends, I would be overcome with the fear of my family dying while I was gone. 

I would lay awake at a sleepover and cry because I was so afraid. No one ever knew this fear of mine. Even as a teen on a boardwalk ride in Seaside, NJ, I again became paralyzed with that fear. I pushed it out of my mind and went back to having fun.

I never could figure out why I thought they would die while I was gone and would find them dead when I returned home. Until I did the following regression, that is.

I began at my death, a spear killed me in my back, and I was lying face down in leaves in the woods. I could smell the leaves and recognized where I was. 

I was a native Indian man out hunting for our village. All the women and children were slaughtered when I returned to the village. There was blood everywhere. 

I ran into the woods to see who did this and looked for my other tribe members. Well, we know what happens next; I was speared from behind and was gone before I knew it.

Right away, that other childhood/ teen fear of my family dying while I was out of town was again explained and made sense.

Now, I know people think I am either an excellent fictional writer with a great imagination or completely off my nut. I get it. It was hard to believe what I was doing just by reading books and listening to guided past life regressions.

When I finally learned how to get to that state of consciousness, the regressions became more accessible, and I didn’t need recorded guided regressions; I could do them myself. 

I did seven or eight of them a few months apart from each other. Each was amazing, and I felt connected to those past “me’s.”

I recognized my immediate family in my regressions. We all traded roles and genders, repeatedly trying to learn our soul’s lessons in earth school. 

I haven’t tried to do a regression to find out anything about the biological family members I’ve come to know and love. 

Besides my meditation group, Marty, and a couple of very close friends, I have never discussed this with anyone; for the very reason of people thinking I was crazy or as a person with a good imagination and storytelling skills. 

I promise everything I write about is genuine, honest, and authentic. This is a lot for me to share and a bit scary. I never thought I would write and publish my experiences in a million years, but here I am. 

It is an integral part of my blog, telling who I am, why I am the way I am, and how I got that way. In many of my past lives, I’ve seen myself outdoors as a woman cooking over open flames for either family or village members.

I live in a small town in Vermont where everyone will likely think I am a total whacked-out weirdo, but I don’t care; telling my story is more important. Some will think I am a witch, but remember, I promised not to be one this lifetime. 🤣

Have you ever met someone and felt like you have met before in another life? Have you had such a powerful deja vu moment that you felt like you did something before or recognized a place? 

When my youngest was in elementary school, he had an evening concert at school. When we got home, he took off his tie and unbuttoned his white dress shirt. 

He went into the kitchen and returned to the living room, holding a pretzel rod with the tip bit off like a cigar. He also had an old-fashioned glass with ice and juice in it, swirling it around. 

He sat down on the ottoman in a way I never saw before. Then he said, “I’ll tell you, kids, I haven’t felt that good in a long time, not since I was in Chicago.” What?? WTF?

I asked Sam what else he knew about Chicago a few days later. He rattled off streets, buildings, and places. I went on the computer, and surer than shit, he was right. How could this be? 

I always felt like he was an older, wise man or grandfather figure, so this confirmed my hunch. 

So, what exactly is a past life regression?

Here is a link to Wikipedia explaining it in depth and better than I ever could. 

There is so much information about it in books, YouTube videos, and the internet. I started with Brian L Weiss, MD, but many other safe guided meditations exist. 

I finally have my anxiety attacks under control with the proper medication, but I still deal with terrible insomnia. I can’t fall asleep before 3 am, getting between 3-5 hours of sleep a night. I am beyond exhausted. 

I sleep between 6-8 hours on Saturday nights into Sunday mornings since it’s our day off. I wake up well rested after 9 am, which I cannot do during the week. Sleep is highly underrated.

I am contemplating doing another past life regression to find the answer to my lifetime of insomnia possibly.

The hardest part of achieving that state of consciousness required to travel through time and space is complete silence with no one home, dogs barking, rescue scanners talking, or phone notification sounds. 

I will have an opportunity the last weekend of October when Marty and Sam are away at an EMS conference. I will be alone and can turn everything in the house off. 

Next week, I will write about the one and only soul retrieval I did on myself back in 2018 while in therapy for severe depression and attachment disorder. 

It changed my life; I got a lost piece of my soul back that I didn’t know I had lost and when. I didn’t feel alone anymore or afraid I would lose someone else.

Have a great upcoming week! There is still plenty more to write about in this series; I haven’t talked about the middle world yet, my specialty, or my calling. 

*** I took a big deep breath before pressing the publish button on this post. I don’t know why I am so nervous about putting it out there for everyone to see, but I am.