My adopted mother passed away a year ago today. Last night, I was thinking about how it affected me.
I am as relieved one year later that I don’t have to deal with her, her games, or her manipulation anymore.
When I walked into her room and found her dead, my only emotion was relief. It felt like a million pounds were lifted off my shoulders.
The terrified expression on her face still haunts me. Yes, I know people die with their eyes open and mouths gaping, but her head was turned, looking at the door, looking straight at me. Her face and expression are burned in my memory and may never go away. She must love it.
A year later, I am still hurt, disappointed, and sad about how she treated me. How phony she was. How she used me. I am trying my best to put it behind me. I know her behavior made me a stronger and better person. So thanks, Eileen, for that.
I have written blog posts about her over the past year and how heartbreaking my relationship with her was. After decades of mental and emotional abuse, I still went back for more because she was my mother. That was my attachment disorder, to thank for that.
One year later, I feel the same; I think about it less. You would think I could heal my own heart for all my healing work, but this is bigger than that. Much bigger than anything I can do, I’ve tried.
Thanks for your kind words over the last year and for listening as I work through this difficult healing process. I know I need to let go of the hurt; it’s just hard to do, let alone ever be able to forgive her.
I am beyond grateful for you guys and that you have stuck with me through thick and thin. It means a lot. Thank you! ♥️ ~julz
So very difficult to sift through all the years of trauma. I have you in my thoughts and white light. Thank you for opening your heart to us. ❤️
look forward to each and every post, thank you.
The more you can let go and forgive, the more you can be free at last. You know that and you can make it happen. Yes, see yourself cutting the cords of attachment, every day a couple.