Anxiety and eggs…

Our business is now over five years old. We’ve kept records of our invoices over the years, and I can tell you that egg prices have gone up 10-14 days before Easter every year.

Each year there is some excuse why the price of eggs doubles; this year is the bird flu. I just read a report from the government explaining the bird flu and why it is causing the prices to double. Here is the link if you are interested.

This morning, we were in the production kitchen early again since we are still climbing out from under all our orders. Then, out of nowhere, I had an anxiety attack. I was able to talk myself out of it quickly; I was in the middle of making a batch of spätzle batter and focused on that instead.

Before I started having anxiety attacks or even knew I had one, I thought it felt like you were very nervous or frightened. I was wrong.

I know seconds before an anxiety attack starts because my arms begin to tingle; then go numb. My hands start shaking, I can’t bend or straighten my fingers, and I get a pain in my chest. Then I feel like my whole body is in a vise that keeps getting tighter. Breathing becomes difficult.

Instead of panicking, which I know sounds ridiculous not to panic during a panic or anxiety attack, I try my hardest to stay calm. I begin deep breathing, focusing on something else, and tell myself to make it stop. 

Today’s attack lasted less than 5 minutes. My hands are usually still a little shaky for a while, but I pushed through it. Fifteen minutes later, it was like nothing had happened, business as usual.

I now know why people think they are having a heart attack instead of an anxiety attack; many symptoms are similar. It is horrifying when it is happening. It’s hard to hide in front of people and harder for people to understand what is happening.

People say you need to “calm down and not get stressed out.” Anxiety attacks come on even when I don’t feel stressed out but have a lot on my mind.

I take anxiety and depression medication twice a day, but I’ve had more attacks during the last two years. (I can’t imagine why right?) I can go months without one, then wham! Belly dancing and meditation help me tremendously with stress and anxiety, but I don’t get to do either of them enough.

I brought up the egg price because our egg delivery man, Greg, delivered the 3 cases of eggs we ordered later this afternoon. He apologized to me the second he saw me for the price increase.

The price of eggs went from $1.40 dozen to $2.99. Thirty dozen eggs are in a case, so you do the math how much our 3 cases of eggs increased. Greg said they told him it was because of the bird flu; usually, we are told it is due to the supply and demand during Easter. 

This stresses the fuck out of me because we make egg noodles. You can’t make egg noodles without eggs. I was foolish to think things may not get totally out of hand after our retail containers that nearly tripled in price and weren’t able to get for months are now back in stock again.

This afternoon I am anxious. There is such a thing as good stress and bad stress, which I am dealing with right now. I have to focus on taking care of the good stress, the stuff I have control over, and give the bad stress over to the universe or God, whichever you believe in. It works; I have to remember to do it and do it repeatedly.

This is another super busy work week with many orders to fill. I am also thinking ahead to next week since I will be then driving to my sister’s house in NJ on Saturday afternoon and not returning until Tuesday morning. I work well under pressure, so this is good stress, healthy stress, not bad like the egg situation.

Jennifer and I are having our first sisters’ only time together, which we are both very excited about. We have a lot of fun stuff planned. She has the menu, food, and wine ready to go. I know we will laugh until our cheeks hurt, watch movies, and eat delicious food. This is our relaxing, stress-free time together that I desperately need.

Mental health isn’t something that people generally like to talk about, I certainly don’t go blabbing about it often, but today was the day to share mine with you. This was hard for me to write about as a strong and confident person, but here we are.