Being prepared…

Are you ever really prepared to get that call? The one I’ve been dreading for years. The answer is…the best you can be. Last night I got that call; my mother was declining rapidly.

My mother Eileen had a massive stroke almost 8 years ago. They didn’t think she would pull through, but she did. The stroke left her paralyzed on the left side. I had to make the tough decision to put into a care facility. Our home isn’t large enough or set up for such care; neither was I mentally or physically. 

Over the last 8 years she’s given us a few big scares and pulls through as though nothing happened. This time is different; they moved her into a private comfort care room.

Even though the care facility isn’t allowing visitors due to Covid, we are allowed to visit her under the circumstances. She is in a special hall, in a private room where I can visit anytime I want to and can bring one other person with me. I have to go through covid screening and are lead through an outdoor entrance right outside her room. This is reassuring since covid is still a risk. 

Last night, Sam took me down to see her, Marty’s back is either strained or he has kidney stones again; whatever the case, he wasn’t in any shape to take me. Everything always happens at once in our family.

While Sam was driving to Bennington we talked a little about the situation; I was nervous to see her. When we walked into the facility we were protected with double duty COVID PPE….Personal protection equipment. 

I had absolutely no idea what I was going to say to her and knew the right words would come. My mother looked dead, pale, very thin and drawn. They were giving her meds to keep her calm and not in any pain if there was any. I saw her breath and took a deep breath and walked towards the bed.

Sam immediately went and talked to her, he’s a nurse and has great bedside manners. I become very quiet when faced with situations like these. I cried quietly a lot, then was able to find some words.

My relationship with my mother has been a difficult one when I was younger and again after my dad’s passing in 2000. When I approached her I did so with compassion and love. Anything that happened in the past stayed there. She recognized my voice; when I told her I loved her she mouthed it back. We didn’t stay long, Sam said she knew we were there, but needed her sleep. 

This morning I called in all of my mother’s family members that are all on the other side already and asked them to be with her. Next, I called the facility and asked how she was, she was the same; still recognizing voices and responding the best she could. 

I cried through production today. While I was washing dishes I asked my grandmother, Nana for help. She was the one who appeared in a dream right before my father’s death telling me she would be there with him when the time came. She had a strong personality in her prime; my father called her the drill sergeant. 

Not even two minutes later I heard her tell me to call a priest, he needed to administer the sacrament of Last Rites. I called the social worker making the request; she would contact the catholic priest Father Bob and ask him to come. Growing up in a strict catholic family I felt dumb I didn’t think of it myself. Thanks Nana!

I haven’t heard back yet when Father Bob would be coming, I am planning on visiting my mother again this evening with Marty. Eileen loves Marty and would be happy if he was with me.

I guess I was as prepared as I could be emotionally. I am prepared after her passing since I prepaid everything at the funeral home 3 years ago, something I won’t have to worry about when the time comes. I set it up that everything would go off without a hitch even if she outlived me. Sometimes, I thought it could very well be a possibility, so it’s one less thing to worry about.

I didn’t expect all of this since the decline came out of no where. I spoke with her on her birthday on October 3 and she sounded like her usual self. You never know when your time is up, so be sure to hug your loved ones and tell them you love them while you still can. 

I wrote this on my phone through tears so I apologize for the errors in the post. I’m going to rest now so I can get rid of this headache and have my wits about me when I visit her again tonight.