The dating game

We have been addicted to the broadway sensation Hamilton for a couple of years and have watched it dozens of times since it came out on Disney Plus on July 3, 2020. Currently, we are watching a Netflix series called Bridgeton.

Hamilton takes place during the Revolutionary War era through the early 1800s. Bridgerton takes place in the early 1800s, almost picking up where Hamilton left off, but in England.

We were listening to the original Broadway soundtrack of Hamilton for a long time, not knowing how they actually did the scenes in the play. It was hard to imagine how they did battles and flashbacks, but after seeing it, everything made sense and fell into place.

The courtship of Alexander Hamilton and Eliza Schuyler was very fast. It seemed like they were only courting for 2 weeks and they were married. This confused me for sure since I knew nothing about courting in the 1700s.

When we watched Bridgeton, the courtship between two people was rather short as well. The point was to get married. The couple wasn’t allowed any hankie pankie at all or it would disgrace the woman and her family.

Courtship or calling was a family affair, callers meant heirs, property, and happiness, and ultimately marriage. Prospective men, callers were determined by land, status, and wealth. Marriages had to be approved by the family. Not very romantic that’s for sure. It was more of a business transaction for two families instead of two people becoming man and wife.

Dating came about in the 1900s. Women were free to choose with whom they wanted to spend time with. The word dating refers to filling one’s datebook. Makes sense right? The mid-century term, “going steady”meant the couple who had been dating are now dating exclusively.

Speaking of mid-century a couple of my favorite tv shows when I was a kid were Happy Days and Laverne & Shirley which took place in the 1950s, along with the movie Grease.

I never really knew when I was 10 or eleven why all the guys wanted to do was neck and go to inspiration point. Laverne & Shirley were two friends that were also roommates living on their own without men. Shirley had a boyfriend The Big Ragu, but I don’t think they ever married.

In Grease I knew there was more of that necking stuff, and could recite “A hickey from Kenickie is like a Hallmark card when you care enough to send the very best.” I didn’t know what a hickey really was, but if it was coming from Kenickie it must have been good because I thought he was cute.

When I was in grammar school I remember we would write notes to boys and asking them if they liked so and so. Please check the following box the note would say. Check yes or no. Crystal clear directions just in case they couldn’t figure it out.

In high school, dating was called going out with someone. My father couldn’t grasp the concept that I was going out with someone, but we didn’t go anywhere. I explained it to him a hundred times. “Daddy, I was just seeing so and so, but now we are going out.” This was dating and going steady in his era the 50s.

Men and women started off calling each other beautiful, handsome, cute, pretty, gorgeous, a hottie, a fox. In our high school JFK we called people we found attractive a “burger!” I think that our town of Iselin and maybe Colonia was the only place on earth to call someone a burger. “Oh check him out, he’s a total burger.” You just can’t make this shit up! I have no idea who started it, but it stayed around for a couple of years.

I met Marty and we dated, went out, were seeing each other, going steady for 4 years before we got married. He indeed asked my father for permission. Marty was probably one of the only guys my father ever liked. I knew he liked him when he started calling him Mart.

I wasn’t allowed to go out if someone just honked the horn. They had to come in and meet my dad. It was torturous for me, especially when I wasn’t allowed to go because my father didn’t approve.

He had many reasons why he didn’t approve of someone. His shoelace was untied, he was chewing gum, he had some stupid thing on his head. “Daddy, it’s a bandana!” “I don’t give a shit what it is, you aren’t going with him.” Didn’t he know the lead singer from the band Loverboy wore one just like it? Dating was tough business in our house.

Since then dating has changed a lot. You don’t even have to go on actual dates anymore.

You know someone is dating these days because they change their Facebook status to “in a relationship.” When people break up, everyone once again knows, because their status goes back to “single.” I think they took away the optional status “it’s complicated.”

“Friends with benefits” was a friend that you could have an occasional and casual sexual relationship with. This is different from “hooking up” which is a one-time-only thing with someone new.

“Netflix & chill” is a slang term for two people going to each other’s houses and having straight-up sex or just some sexual related acts. It took parents a long time to figure out what the code word was for.

These days guys and girls are talking. I have a younger friend at my farmer’s markets and thought it was amusing when my buddy said to me right out of the blue, “Yea, I’m talking to this girl.” I was like that’s cool. ” I want a girl to date, a girl that wants a man around, a girl to fall in love with like you and your husband.” “I really want to date and go places. I don’t want to hook up even though that’s what most of them want.”

I am smiling while I am typing this because my buddy is the nicest guy, handsome, great personality, caring, spiritual and funny. I told him that she was out there, he will find that special someone when the time was right. He is only 27, he still had plenty of time. And this girl? She will be one lucky girl…but for now, they are just talking. I haven’t seen him for a few weeks I wonder if they are still talking?

My father never would have been able to figure that one out, he would say “how the hell much stuff can you talk about?” 😂