The right tools

A new laptop was delivered a few days ago. I signed for it from the Fedex guy. Marty came home from his farmers market and told me the laptop was for me. “I do not need a fancy laptop!!!!!” “Totally un necessary!” “Why did you do that?” Marty told me I needed the right tools to have a successful blog and that using my phone like I have been isn’t the right tool.

Did I need this or deserve this? Is my blog writing worthy of a new laptop? Is what I am writing worthy to have as a blog? Flashback to me being a stay at home mom. We felt it was very important for me to stay home with our boys Noah & Sam until they were both in school. Marty worked 3 additional side jobs to make this happen. He taught computer classes at night, worked at a friends hotdog wagon, was a DJ the list goes on. I was a really good stay at home mom and took it very seriously. If I was going to be staying home we were going to have a clean house, nice meals, activities for the boys, laundry done etc. I felt like everything had to be perfect all the time since this was job and I was always a hard worker. I made up a food budget and stuck to it the best I could at every food shopping trip. I was frugal, learned that cooking from scratch was more cost effective and our oldest boy had food allergies so it became necessary. I got the boys what they needed but I never got myself anything really. I felt bad or guilty spending money on myself and knew the money could go to more important things. Basically I didn’t feel worthy and not because anyone made me feel that way. Marty would get mad and tell me to buy myself whatever I needed or wanted and not second hand!!!!

After I went back to work I wasn’t the breadwinner. I was never the breadwinner. This made me feel the same way about buying myself things. It was all in my head. All my life I felt like I had to repay people for taking care of me and this included my husband. I am not sure he even knows I felt this way. He would buy me a new coat or slippers and I would get mad and say you shouldn’t have. Then it all changed!!!!

In March of 2017 I created the worlds only gluten free, no boil, package to pan to plate in 5 minutes German Spatzle. You can read about our story on our website www.vtspatzlecompany.com We sold our first package in June and there we were, brand new business owners!!!! I technically am the business owner. So guess what???? After we realized that this was a real business I was able to quit my real job in less than 2 months!!! I guess it was all in my head because I finally felt entitled to get myself some things. Not really frivolous things, just new things!!!!

So why when the new laptop came did I regress back to my old self???? I think because I don’t know if this blog is worth it. This is frivolous to me I guess. Whatever the case its water under the bridge and I fucking love my new laptop!!!! I felt so comfortable using it. Designing this damn blog is such an uncomfortable thing at least its nice getting pissed off at it using a beautiful brand new laptop!!!!!!