Crazy blue cabin & a towel

It’s January 31, and I felt it start to set in last week. Here in Vermont we got what seems like constant snow every day with very little sunshine.  For the last couple of days the temperature has been between -11 & 18 at best. 

I know I live in the Northeast and have to live with it, but I live here for the other three seasons, especially summer. Besides bitching about snow and sub-zero temperatures, let’s throw in this pandemic just to make matters worse. 

As I am writing this at least the sun is out for change.  The few times it showed itself in the last week I could tell it’s getting warmer as it hits my face and is higher in the sky. This is a beautiful reminder of what’s to come. 

Crazy blue cabin isn’t something I saw in the woods, but three words that sum up January for me.  Stir crazy. Winter blues. Cabin fever. I like how CNN describes cabin fever in an article I found.

“Cabin fever is not like a psychological disorder, so I wouldn’t say there’s any sort of official definition of it,” said Vaile Wright, a psychologist and director of clinical research and quality at the American Psychological Association.

“It may not be a real condition, but the feelings it’s associated with are.”

“It involves a range of negative emotions and distress related to restricted movement: irritability, boredom, some hopelessness and even, behaviorally, restlessness and difficulty concentrating. Those would be the constellation of symptoms one might expect if they were feeling that way.” CNN

I think the above describes winter blues and stir crazy as well.  Right?

So what am I going to do besides bitch about it?  I am writing!  Yay!  This is so therapeutic for me. My mind has been thinking of topics to write about.  Things that people may give a shit about reading.  Great advice from Jon my writing mentor & coach. ☺️

This winter, I am working out, something I haven’t done for seven years.  I am in our home gym six days a week. The hardest part of working out for me is walking from our house to our barn, where the gym is.   I have to put on boots, go out and turn on the heat. Now I have to wait for twenty minutes for it to be warm enough so I don’t injure myself.  Once I get going and warm up I love every second out there.

So how does the towel fit into this story?  Yesterday on Instagram, I saw a video clip of someone performing the Japanese towel routine.  I refuse to get sucked in by watching those TikTok videos. I have enough social media and entertainment already, I don’t need to see what more stir-crazy people are doing. Lol

I started to do some research on this Japanese towel routine now called an exercise. Over 10 years ago, a Japanese physician named Toshiki Fukutsudzi developed a unique method to help realign the pelvis and help with back issues. It just so happens to get the body in shape. The method claims to help eliminate belly fat, improve posture and strengthen back pain, only by using a towel. Ok.

When I had a shit-fit temper tantrum back in October, not being able to belly dance is when I got back into the gym. My goal was to get back into shape. Not lose weight, just get my strength back. I noticed I was starting to lose some of my defined muscles that I worked so hard on for years.  I wasn’t getting any younger and knew the longer I waited the harder it would be.

I felt better instantly.  I had more energy.  I started drinking more water because my body craved it. I realized I was walking around in a constant state of dehydration. I was tired, got a headache almost every day, and severe leg cramps during the night. I was only drinking coffee, wine, or cocktails with a few sips of water here and there.  I know it was bad!

What came next was my desire to make better food choices. I wanted to eat more protein and cut out unnecessary carbs during the day.  I was not following a keto diet or even a low carb diet since this wasn’t about losing weight.  I really started noticing a difference in my body after two months. Was this really possible? 

Seven years ago I found out I had insanely high blood pressure. It was a shock and came out of nowhere. Being adopted at that point I didn’t know any of my family histories or if high blood pressure ran in my family. It took my cardiologist months to find the right medication to work. It took a toll on my body trying prescription after prescription, nine to be exact making me sick with each of them. I have later found out that my biological father Tom died of a heart attack the day after his 50th birthday. High blood pressure and heart disease run on that side of my family tree.

At the same time, I went through and finished up menopause. Great timing. I knew I was done, blood work showed I basically had zero estrogens left.  Even though I didn’t want any more children, I grieved.  It was great in one respect, but sad in another one because I was getting older.

Then guess what happened at exactly the same time? My adopted mother had a major stroke.  I found her in her apartment after not being able to reach her for a day. This was definitely not good for my blood pressure that we hadn’t figured out yet.

Long story short, I had to find a care facility since she was paralyzed on the left side. I had to take care of all her financials and make all the decisions since I was her power of attorney. I had to get rid of all of her belongings and close up her apartment. I went to the nursing home 7 days a week out of guilt, obligation & manipulation.  It was awful and sad. It still is.

I said that I was going to be honest and authentic with you, and this is hard to admit. I hated the way I let these situations get the best of me. I played the victim using those situations to blame how unhappy I was with my new ugly body. I was ashamed of how I looked and actually felt sick every time I looked in the mirror. Photos made me sick as well.  I never felt this way before.

Here I was a belly dancer now mortified to perform and felt like a hypocrite teaching body image and empowerment to my students. I have always been a confident person, so feeling this way about my body was mentally crippling.  I guess I began to wear black all the time trying to cover myself up. I never wanted to try to exercise or diet because I was afraid what if they didn’t work? What if this was the way I was going to look for the rest of my life?

The last night I danced with my students back in early October, during a set that we were dancing instead of me teaching, I said out loud when looking in the mirror, “Wow, I don’t look that disgusting from way back here; maybe I didn’t make the audience sick.”  My student and friend Maria scolded me, “Julz stop that right now!” I am smiling as I remember how angry I made Maria who bravely wrote about body image on her blog when she started belly dancing with us almost four years ago. Her blog is Fullmoonfiberart.com, I still don’t know who to install a link into my blog.

That brings me back to yesterday and the Japanese towel exercise. Although I am seeing major improvement in my midsection, besides Marty, no one else has noticed. I know it’s winter, but no one. Nada. If only someone threw me one tiny little bone. That’s ok, that’s not why I this started this in the first place. Right Julz? I keep telling myself that I feel better & stronger, and my muscles came back faster than I imagined they would.

For an experiment, I decided to be a guinea pig and see if this towel thing works. From what I read half the people say it does, and the other half say it doesn’t. 

I did the exercise once in the morning and once at night. I was able to hold the uncomfortable position for the recommended 5 minutes. My hands were the only thing that was uncomfortable due to arthritis pain. Overall it was easy. I keep thinking this can not work, but we will see. I am going to give it two weeks maybe a month if I think it is working. I will let you know my progress.

I took a “before” photo this morning.  I am too embarrassed to post it even though my mid-section looks so much better.  I promise I will post it if an after photo shows a change. If it doesn’t work I will continue to do what has been working for my body.

So we all need to get a few minutes of sunshine when the sun is out. A bit of fresh air, drink plenty of water, and know that winter and this damn pandemic won’t last forever. We should just live life like Klausie boy….chillin’ out!